That was a quick response..

Jennifer in Iowa wrote in just minutes after I posted my question. Thanks for responding so quickly.

She wrote:

I have been following the site for awhile and am assuming you mean “from a relationship perspective” with your question today. I watched my mom do this over the course of a decade. She was in this long relationship after my dad died and, let’s just say, he wasn’t the best guy. He was very good at making promises and making her believe their turmoil made for a deeper love, but he’d eventually show his scumbag side and he and my mom would split up. For 9 years this went on and she kept making excuses and going back to him. I saw some really good guys get set aside so my mom could go back to this idiot. Each time she went back to this guy, a little more respect was lost. Their fights got worse, their reason for fighting got more petty, and they both weren’t able to be themselves in their “relationship”. Somehow, the drama, the bad memories, and the issues they’d had, had caused them to try and be someone else in the relationship..someone they both were not. She knew the mistake she was making but, it seemed that she’d been brainwashed into thinking it had to happen. It all came to a boil one time and during an argument, he struck her. He’d pushed her before, grabbed her really hard, thrown things at her, stuff like that, but never hit her. This was all my mom could take. She kicked him out and never looked back.

She’s okay now. She went through therapy and is dating again. She completely blocked the old guy from her life by changing her number, moving, and changing her email. I think she made the right decision.

Everything affected me too. I started off dating really bad guys. Couple that with the fact that I have issues with being adopted, and you have a big mess in my head. I am also going through therapy and should be okay. I am dating a wonderful guy right now, so the therapy was a natural move, to keep things going the right direction.

I really love your site. It’s a good place to read about normal people’s relationships. I hope you keep this up for a long time.

By the way, if your (ex?) girlfriend does enter your life again, taking it slow IS a good idea. If she is as amazing as you make her out to be, I wouldn’t risk losing her twice.


(Ps. You should have kept your first pic up.)

Thanks Jennifer. Anyone else have perspective on this? Email