Final letter from Theresa

Theresa wrote in again and it seems as if she’s gotten a ton of emails from people with similar situations. Here was her letter from Kim, another reader of my blog.

I know you had said you weren’t posting anymore of my letters, but I wanted to email you once more for two reasons. The first reason is, I wanted to thank you for posting my first letter and for being willing to share my email. It has given me a chance to help people, which is nice. I see why you like your blog so much.

The second reason is to post the last letter from Kim as well as my response.

Kim emailed me and said:
I have told “Al” (not his real name), my most recent boyfriend to let me have some time to figure things out because the things you went through with your ex are almost
exactly like mine. Al was crushed and was willing to give me space, but he just couldn’t do it. He would call or send emails, mostly sad ones about how he missed me, and they were too much to take. I finally told him I would not answer the phone or read his emails because I needed to think with a clear head. After reading your story though, I realize I made a mistake and that I NEED to end things with
my ex, but I don’t know how. How do I do this and go back to Al? He was so hurt. It’s been so long that I actually feel like I don’t know him anymore, but I
want so badly to see him. I want to tell him I love him. Help!

Here was my response:

Getting rid of an ex that you have a long past with can be really hard,
especially if it was like mine. Therapy helps. In the end, I wrote my ex a
“goodbye and don’t contact me letter”, then changed my phone number and email. He knew my family, so I asked them to not answer his calls and to return every letter he may send. I completely erased him from my life. It was an extremely painful process, but it is a MUST in these types of situations. Stay strong while doing this and remember the negative results of keeping him in your life. These types of people need to be erased, or they stick around like a thorn in your skin.

As far as getting Al back, that is tricky. Did you get upset that he was hanging on so tightly? Did you argue about him sending you letters? Did you tell him you didn’t want to see him again? If that is the case, you have a lot of apologizing to do, if he takes you back. Don’t waste any time though. Call Al and explain things. Tell him you want to start again from step one and rebuild your once beautiful relationship. If he loves you, he’ll take things slowly. He’ll want to make you comfortable too. It will take time, and you need to build the trust that this won’t happen again. Hopefully he hasn’t moved on. No matter how much people say they won’t, they eventually give in to the pain of holding on, and they move on. It happened in my case as well as the dozen of emails I have answered in
the past few days. I wish I had more advice. This is all I know.
Take care,

Wow, thanks Theresa. Have you ever thought about starting your own blog? We should team up! Let me know, and I’ll make you a co writer on this blog.

Okay gang. I am taking Olivia back to her mom’s for the rest of the weekend, then off to a movie. Have a great weekend, or what’s left of it.