So Tony emailed me back:
He DOES do flirty things. He puts his hands on my waist when no one is looking, he says things like “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” and things like that. He even saw me wearing a dress once and said if he wasn’t married, I’d be “in trouble.”
He is totally in to me, but only at work. I feel bad for liking a married man, but I am really attracted to him. I don’t think I am confusing this at all. He has pretty much given me every signal that he is into me. What’s up?
I was unable to get through to Theresa, so I am winging this on my own…
Tony, this guy is a bastard. If he is married (or even if he were dating for that matter) he shouldn’t be flirting with or acting like that with other women. I feel sorry for his wife at this point. She may have no idea what’s going on, or she may be trying to make believe it’s not happening, but either way, you are stepping into a world of hurt here. Yeah, you may be attracted to him, but you need to ask yourself, are you attracted to HIM…or what you can’t have? Would you like to finally be with him and have him do the same thing to you that he is doing to his wife? I don’t think so. Do what you can to look elsewhere for an attraction. You deserve more than that. Everyone does.
Tony from Ohio writes:
This site is awesome. Not only do I get to read relationship advice, but I also get some good music for my IPOD..thanks for that. It’s like the perfect site.
I am writing in because I am confused by a guy I like. He is always flirting with me at work and we get along really well, but he is married. We haven’t spent time alone together (I’ve asked him to go for drinks, but he’s always busy), and I am beginning to wonder if he even has any feelings for me at all. He is really flirtatious with me at work, but doesn’t seem to want to every get together after work. I feel bad for liking a guy who is married, but I am also confused as to why he’d be flirtatious and not have any feelings for me outside of work.. Any ideas?
Theresa- He doesn’t have feelings for you. I am guessing you are mistaking friendliness for flirting. If he jokes with you and has conversations with you, that isn’t flirting. It’s being friendly. Notice: FRIENDly. I am guessing he likes being friends with you. Keep up the asking him out after work thing and you are going to cause issues that may end that friendship. Just be happy you have a hot guy friend.
Sean- I agree. He isn’t necessarily flirting with you by joking around and talking with you. If he says more intimate things, gives you small gifts, or is willing to go out with you on a date, then it’s something other than friendship, but in that case, why would you want to be with a man that would willingly cheat on his partner? Guys are simple people. Don’t think more into this than you already have. He probably is not flirting. It sounds like he is just being a friendly guy. Don’t let your attraction screw up a good thing.
More later? We’ll see…
So my daughter is into Queen…yeah, the band. I think that is awesome! I was into basic rock and top 40 stuff until I turned 12 or 13, then I branched out, but she LOVES that type of stuff.
I was a total Queen fanatic in my teens and owned every single album they released, so I took some time this morning and put a few songs on her MP3 player. We’ll see what she thinks. What are some of the first musical artists YOU remember going nuts over?
I received an email while writing the last one. Interesting.
It simply asks: “Why do you recommend therapy so much? Do you really feel it’s that good for people?”
I can’t speak for Theresa, but I recommend therapy because I feel that it is good for people. Therapy gets a bad wrap because people usually link it to getting a bottle of medication. Therapy, if done correctly, IS the medication and no drugs are needed. Sometimes, a few sessions with a therapist is all it takes to overcome issues or make discoveries about yourself that help you in life. This blog is to offer advice (and show some insight into my life), but when it goes beyond the role of simple advice, I always recommend therapy because it’s the right thing to do.
Keep your love in your hearts and hands.
It’s been awhile since I had an advice email, so I was excited to finally see one in the inbox today.
Michelle from Missouri writes:
I like this site alot. You also have a great taste in music. I just wanted you to know that. Now, onto my issue:
I don’t know how long it’s been exactly, but I have been afraid of love as far back as I can remember. I am okay with sex and casual dating, but when it gets serious, I get scared and usually flee or do something to destroy the relationship.
I don’t know that anything specific ever happened to make me fear love, but it’s the weirdest feeling. I fall in love, then get so scared inside..like someone took the world out from under my feet. I panic and within a week or two, I’ve destroyed the relationship. I feel horrible when I do it, but I also feel relieved when it’s done.
Theresa-I think there is more to this story. Michelle, you need some help, plain and simple. Fear of a loving relationship is not something that is normal and you should definitely investigate when and how this began. I’m going to keep this one short and say look into therapy.
Sean-I think there is a definite issue here. If you don’t remember what could have happened to spur this type of behavior, have you looked into finding out whether or not you may have mentally blocked this out? Maybe it was something traumatic. Are you able to have normal platonic loving relationships? In either case, I am recommending therapy for this as well. It’s, as Theresa said, not normal to fear a loving relationship. The fact that you panic tells me it’s linked to something your brain connected with the feeling of love. I hope you find the help you need.
How would you like to see this woman walk onstage, then belt out some of the most melodic metal you’ve ever heard? Her name is Maria Brink and her band’s name is In This Moment. Their album “The Dream” is in stores now. Rock.
I am back from the funeral. It was a nice service in which my sister sang (well), and my aunt and dad gave great eulogies. My aunt’s eulogy sparked a chain of memories within me, though, which is the purpose for this blog.
My aunt started her eulogy by saying something along the lines of, “people in our family don’t express their love with words or emotions very well..”. The second she said it, a flood of memories poured into my mind. We don’t! I don’t tell my parents how much I love them enough, or how much I appreciate the guidance they’ve given me. I certainly don’t tell my sisters how great I think they are, or how each one has influenced me to be the person I am today. I don’t tell my brother that no matter what, I always have his back (even though that means kicking his ass at times).
I do, however, show that emotion well with women I have dated. I think there may be one or two women TOTAL that would say I was emotionally unavailable…the rest would agree with my aforementioned statement. I’ve always been perfectly okay showing affection and verbalizing how much I love someone, as long as it wasn’t family. I don’t know exactly WHY that is, but it’s been that way as far back as I can remember. Some women that I can think of, have also not been able to accept love or affection. It’s a tough experience to want to show love and affection, but have it make the other person uncomfortable. The women in my life have always been the major outlet for my appreciation, but I realize that I also need to do a better job of appreciating my own family too.
We may NOT show affection by words or deeds, but that doesn’t have to be the status quo. We can all change that. Tell your own families you love them and let them know how much they mean to you. Life’s little moments are the moments that should be treasured. By showing your loved ones how much you really do love them, those little moments are easier to come by.