Mike from Florida

Mike from Florida wrote:

I really like your blog.  I think it’s great that you can help so many people.  Maybe you can help me?

I was in a wonderful relationship and engaged to be married, when I found out my fiancee at the time was cheating with my best friend.  They both denied it at first, but when I caught them redhanded, it was hard to deny.  We split up and I’ve been single for a year now.

The problem is, I am now having trouble getting back into dating again.  I meet women and we date for a bit and then I either run away or sabotage things because I am scared to open myself up again.  It’s really getting me down.  Any advice?

Mike from Florida

Mike,

See that bridge up there?  It’s just a bunch of rope and 2×8 planks.  Crossing that bridge for the first time would scare the crap out of me.  I am not afraid of heights, but just the fact that it’s SO far up and the wind rocks it back and forth would probably cause me to pee myself at the slightest breeze.  I don’t have a fear of death, but it’d definitely take several tries to cross it and feel comfortable.

You’re at that bridge.  That’s dating and relationships.  Yeah, it can be scary, and there is always the risk of falling and getting hurt, but if you feel sure of yourself and the bridge that you have to cross, you’ll be just fine.  It may take a few tries to get it right, but when it’s right, it’s an amazing experience.

Use your judgment and evaluate things before entering into anything with a new woman.  Take into stock their lifestyle and goals versus yours and if things don’t match up now or potentially long term, you don’t have to worry about hurting them or yourself, just let things end and move on.  Really take time and figure out who you are and who THEY are.

I don’t believe in the “there’s a special someone out there for everyone” crap.  I think if it’s just one person out there, then most of us will live a lonely existence.  My take on that is that there are MANY special someones out there for anyone.  You just need to use your eyes, heart, and mind to find them…then have the courage to cross that bridge.

Good luck Mike.

Sean

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