When the cat’s away..

Leigh wrote:

A few months ago, I had just spent a few weeks out of the country for work when I returned home to find my boyfriend had completely re-evaluated our relationship.  It took me totally off guard.  We’d spent three years together, and one trip out of town into the new year, and he gets all wishy washy.  The part that was even more strange was the combination of that and the weird vibe I was starting to get during my time away.  He’d say he’d call at a certain time, but then hours later, I’d be the one calling him because he hadn’t called.  He’d be quiet and withdrawn (unusual for someone who has a profession in sales), ask a few questions and say he was tired and that he had to get going.  I’d let him go, but I called back an hour later a few times and there was no answer.  He’s not a light sleeper so I know he was either ignoring me or not near his phone.

Anyway, I confronted him about his wishy washy attitude toward our relationship and he said he just needed time to think about where we were going.  I said he couldn’t stay with me if we weren’t together, but he could take the time he needed.  He came back a MONTH later, crying and saying how sorry he was.  Like an idiot, I took him back..and we’re right in the same spot again.  Is he cheating on me and just testing the waters with different women until he finds one that he wants to be with?


I think you answered your own question Leigh.  Good job.  I’m done.

Just kidding.

This guy seems to be doing exactly what you think he is.  Either that, or he likes drama (but that would have showed up in years past).  I can tell from your words and phrases above that you also seem like a Type-A person, and for those who aren’t Type-A compatible, it can be a tiring thing to handle (but that would also be something that would be noticed earlier than three years).  I am not at all blaming personality for the loss of a relationship, but some people are not skilled at expressing what bothers them and personality flaws can be a big hang up.

Whatever is going on in his head, something isn’t adding up.  I’d recommend talking to him about what’s going on with you and with what he could be feeling.  There may be a larger issue here.  If you talk with him and he pushes you away or refuses to talk (or blows up), then you’ll have your answer, and your justification for ending the relationship.  If he opens up and can explain what he is going through, then you’ll have another choice to make.