A-holes to the right, d-bags to the left.

Lynn wrote:

I don’t know what I am doing wrong, but I keep meeting the wrong guys. I consider myself picky, so I am not going for the typical dirtbags. I have three main criteria:

1. They must be in shape, dress well (no t-shirts, etc) and attractive.

2. They must be financially secure, meaning no debt and no cheap attitudes.

3. They must have no tattoos or a prison record. I feel those two both go hand in hand.

Basically, I usually look for the buff, clean cut, financially secure types, but what I end up with is the vain, obsessive-compulsive and money hungry types. I am tired of always being thought of second in the relationship, but I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong. Any advice?


I tried emailing you a few times Lynn and got no response, so I am going to do my best to respond with the info I have.

You say you are picky and you described what you look for, but it appears that you are TOO picky and you are missing out on the good guys. There are two extremes here and most of the good guys are floating in the grey area in the middle.  Tattoos don’t mean the person is in any way negative or dealing with legal trouble, nor does personal debt mean the person is having financial issues. In fact, statistics show that 40% of Americans age 18-40 have at least one tattoo, and 80-90% of Americans have personal debt.  You are cutting down your dating pool to just a handful of individuals that fit your “needs”, and what you are left with is the asshole on the far right of the douchebags on the left.

I am picky too.  I think we are all picky in some ways.  I won’t go into detail about what I look for or what steers me away (because I’ve mentioned a few in past blogs), but I’ll just say this.  I may be picky, but I will usually be open minded about people.  As a result of my open mindedness, I’ve had the fortune of being a part of the lives of some amazing people.  If you don’t start being more open minded, you’ll never have that chance.

There is nothing wrong with having standards and being choosy about who you date, but when you’re TOO choosy, you’ll pay the price.