I am a friend of yours on Facebook, though I don’t think we’ve ever talked. I have followed your blog for some time now and never thought I’d be the one writing in, but something happened over the weekend that has me completely broken down about what to do.
I dated “John” for three years off and on. I cheated on him in our first three months of dating, then he cheated on me, then we eventually just broke up. The most recent time we were together was for about 6 months. Everything was going SO well (we talked about marriage), when we started fighting again. It went on for about two weeks, then about a week ago, John said we were taking a vacation to sort things out. He doesn’t have much money, so he bought his ticket and I bought mine. We flew to Florida! I thought maybe this is where he would propose or make some sort of romantic gesture. Nope.
We got there and his cuddly romantic attitude changed to being cold and short with me. It was night and day. I couldn’t figure it out. I kept asking him what was wrong and he said nothing..everything was okay. We got to the motel, I paid, and we went inside. He wouldn’t let his suitcase down. He stood there for a second, staring at me as I sat on the bed and said it was over. I started crying and asked him why he’d taken me all the way to Florida to just break up and he said, “I put so much into our relationship the first time around. I was ready to marry you within the first month we were together and you took that away by cheating on me. I just thought you should lose something too.” and he walked out.
I tried to chase after him but didn’t want to make a scene in a nice place like that, so after pleading with him in the hallway for about an hour, he declined me for the last time and left. I watched out the window as he walked out of the front of the motel and got into a waiting car with a few of his friends. He’d set the whole thing up just to end things with me and to have some fun with his friends.
I freaked out. I left him like 50 messages, crying and yelling, and all sorts of stuff. I spent the weekend crying in my room and talking on the phone to my friends. I am home now and don’t know what to do. I just don’t get it. I don’t know how anyone could hurt someone like that. What do I do?
It sounds like you’re got a rather large problem on your hands. First off, forget leaving more messages. He left you in another state…just LEFT YOU. He doesn’t deserve any more attention, and I think he already knows you’re hurt and upset. The last thing you want is to have him get upset and decide to let things get uglier. Sometimes you just have to let things go.
Additionally, you shouldn’t have been in this relationship. You cheated? He did? A breakup from cheating should be the all-in-all end. Trust just got peed on at that point, so it’s best to not enter back into that urine soaked mattress of a relationship..but you did. Then you were fighting again. Signal numero deux (see what I did there, mixing Spanish and French??..) that you should have gotten out. You stayed in, AND you thought he was going to propose on this trip? Between the cheating and fighting, where did you get that idea? That’s like seeing a hot dog and being hungry for pizza. It doesn’t even make sense.
I am not here to criticize. I am here to give you some advice. Move on. Forget this douche and all the trouble it was worth, and just be alone for awhile. As much as you may not believe it, this is going to screw you up for a bit and you don’t need anything else adding complications until you’ve straightened yourself out.