Dan D wrote:
I have been dating a girl for a few weeks and we’ve taken things slow. We finally got past just the kissing stage last night and I discovered she has “pancake boobs”. I am sure you know what those are. It’s a huge turnoff and has totally grossed me out. What do I do?
For the sake of the readers that have no idea what pancake boobs are, I’ll first break it down. Pancake boobs are boobs (busty women or not) that when the bra is removed, become completely flat against the chest, almost as if two large pancakes are not resting where breasts once were. How do you tell if you have pancake boobs? Look at yourself standing up. If it looks like you’re holding two nipple covered frisbees where your breasts were, you carry the curse. It’s not all bad though. Only some guys find it a turn off.
I can understand your frustration Dan, but I think there is much more to a woman than her breasts. What else do you find attractive about her? If there really was nothing else, congratulations, you’re a dick. Move on. If there are other things, take stock of the other things and see if they all outweigh the breakfast boobs. They should.
So I am having an issue with this girl I’ve been dating. She is a REALLY bad communicator and when I try to talk about it, she accuses me of being insecure. Here’s the deal:
She and I were dating for about 6 months when she all of a sudden developed this friendship with this guy she worked with. He’s married. We all went out and they just basically shut me out of the conversation the whole night. I didn’t take offense, since I don’t really know the work people they were discussing. Then, she started hanging out with him more and more often, and getting text messages from him all hours of the night. They didn’t seem to be anything sexual or flirty, just texts asking her to go out and get drinks. I started to be bothered by this and told her how I felt. She said it was nothing and that I had nothing to worry about. THEN, she started “doing some shopping” or “running errands” after work and coming home four hours later. I’d ask her where she’d been (it’s only polite that if you’re running late that you call) and she’d say things like, “Oh, I was at the grocery store and bumped into XXX (insert that guy’s name there), so we went and hung out for a bit.” I started to get upset by this and when I confronted her, she said she didn’t need to tell me where she was or where she would be going, and told me that she hated the fact that I was insecure about her friendship with XXX. We’ve had this argument several times now and I am at the end of my rope.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. You don’t seem insecure (other than that by putting XXX for the guy’s name, you appear to be thinking they may be having sex), but your girlfriend seems to think that by not being open and honest with you, YOU’RE the one with the problem. She is the one with the problem GTO, not you. Let’s talk about respect:
1. Do you need to tell your BF/GF any and every detail of your day? No. Is it respectful to tell them if you’ll be home late? Yes.
2. If you’re hanging out with your BF/GF and they get a text or phone call, is it respectful for them to say something like, “Oh that was so-and-so.” Yes. Should they get up and run out of the room, phone in hand? No.
3. Is it okay to be running errands and knowlingly make plans to hang out with a guy that seems to have caused communication problems in the past? Absolutely not. If she respected you as an equal in the relationship, she needs to understand that the right thing to do would be to at least call you and let you know.
It’s not insecurity at all. This woman seems to have a twisted reality. At least you recognized her poor communication skills. I personally think there is more to this story that either you haven’t told me or that you have yet to discover. When that time comes, write again. Good luck.
I have a possessive boyfriend who is driving me crazy. I have a few guy friends (not ALL guy friends, I think there is something wrong with those women) and he always gets upset when we all go out. He comes with us, but he is always getting upset if they talk to me for too long, sit too close, or joke with me. None of it is flirty (in fact two of the four are gay) but he seems to have a problem with it. When we go out with groups and there are females, he doesn’t seem to mind at all. I’ve expressed my frustration and he apologizes, but then says he just doesn’t want to lose me. It’s too passive aggressive and I feel that he will lose me if it keeps up. What do I do?
I’d say this guy definitely has self esteem issues. How he thinks that three gay men (or one straight man) will somehow take you away from him, especially since he is right in front of you, is beyond me. Insecurity is an easy trait to spot and can often be confused for other things (see the next post), but it seems to be a strong issue here. I could understand his frustration if you aren’t making any time for him, or if you’re sneaking out to go see your guy friends and lying to him about it, but I am assuming you’re not, which makes me think he just seems to think he doesn’t deserve you. By feeling that you’re out of his league, he feels that he has nothing to offer and fears that you’ll be swept off your feet by anyone that comes along and posses any trait that he feels he doesn’t have.
You’ve expressed your feelings. Hs hasn’t changed. It’s time to move on.