Natalia writes:

Sean,

I have a possessive boyfriend who is driving me crazy.  I have a few guy friends (not ALL guy friends, I think there is something wrong with those women) and he always gets upset when we all go out.  He comes with us, but he is always getting upset if they talk to me for too long, sit too close, or joke with me.  None of it is flirty (in fact two of the four are gay) but he seems to have a problem with it.  When we go out with groups and there are females, he doesn’t seem to mind at all.  I’ve expressed my frustration and he apologizes, but then says he just doesn’t want to lose me.  It’s too passive aggressive and I feel that he will lose me if it keeps up.  What do I do?

Natalia
I’d say this guy definitely has self esteem issues.  How he thinks that three gay men (or one straight man) will somehow take you away from him, especially since he is right in front of you, is beyond me.  Insecurity is an easy trait to spot and can often be confused for other things (see the next post), but it seems to be a strong issue here.  I could understand his frustration if you aren’t making any time for him, or if you’re sneaking out to go see your guy friends and lying to him about it, but I am assuming you’re not, which makes me think he just seems to think he doesn’t deserve you.  By feeling that you’re out of his league, he feels that he has nothing to offer and fears that you’ll be swept off your feet by anyone that comes along and posses any trait that he feels he doesn’t have. 

You’ve expressed your feelings.  Hs hasn’t changed.  It’s time to move on.

Sean

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