Serve and reject

Heidi wrote:

Sean,

I love your blog.  Simply love it.  I am also writing to ask for your advice on something.  I have been married to a great guy for the past three years but lately, I’ve been doubting our future.  Here’s why-he is always gone.  When we first met, he was going to law enforcement school to be a police officer and things were great.  He got his job as a police officer just after we got married and he began to work late nights and long days.  I am a nurse and work early mornings, so the only time I had to see him was at night, but he was always working.  We only see each other for a substantial amount of time about two to three days per week.  By substantial, I mean 3-7 hours.

Needless to say, I am not happy with the lack of time together.  We’re still newlyweds and haven’t even been able to spend enough time together to do the things that newlyweds do.  I’ve started talking with some people at work and they think I should get a divorce because it’s not worth being stressed about this.  I think he’s a great guy and I love him, but I don’t think I can go on seeing him as little as I do.  Help!

Heidi

Heidi,

Your co-workers have never been more wrong.  You don’t need a divorce if you love your husband.  What the hell are these people thinking?  A divorce isn’t because you have an argument, or if you have jobs that don’t allow tons of free time together, or if you don’t agree on the paint color for your living room.  Marriage is a union…a strong union that is supposed to outlast life itself, but lately it has become less and less “forever” and more “right now”.  Bad idea.

So what if you can’t spend every day together?  My parents have been married for over 30 years and lasted through many years where they couldn’t be together every day.  The value of marriage isn’t spending every day together, it’s about making the best of the time you DO spend together.  It’s about love, communication, and dedication to the two of you and the promises you made to each other.

If you’re having an issue with not enough time together, talk with your husband and explain how you’re feeling.  Through communication you may both find ways to maximize your time and realize other ways to spend time with each other.  Maybe it’ll be moving schedules around, changing job positions, or just prioritizing your time.  Why end things with someone you love if there is nothing fundamentally wrong?

Sean

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