Dude, your flannel doesn’t match your jorts and your toe ring fell in my latte.

Who didn't love this show?

I really liked the 90’s.  It was a time of change, technology advanced at astounding rates, movies got bigger and better (I don’t care who you are, I LOVED Twister), and the world was closer to peace than ever before.  The best part?  The music.  I have spent the last two days listening to a 90’s alternative web-streamed radio station on Shoutcast, and I am in music heaven.  I will recap some random memories I’ve had while listening to these songs.

Wallflowers-One Headlight..it was 1996/1997 and I was dating a woman who lived 5 hours away from where I was going to college.  I spent every cent I had trying to see her every other week (and buying alcohol to party with on the weekends I couldn’t).  It was the year of funky socks with sandals and I rocked them.

Harvey Danger-Flagpole Sitta..it was 1998 and things were winding down.  I was in Iowa, had just changed majors from Elementary Education to Communications.  I wanted to be a radio DJ.  I realized my calling and this song helped me realize that because EVERY damn radio station in Iowa played the hell out of this song.  I was so pissed.  I vowed to rebel against overplaying for the rest of my life.

Belly-Feed the Trees..Belly was one of my first memories of alternative music.  I had a massive crush on Sarah McLachlan in 1993 and somewhere around that time, I stayed up late to watch her on MTV’s “120 Minutes” and saw this video from Belly.  Loved this song.  “Chick rock” alternative at it’s best.  Forget that hairy-armpitted Paula what’s-her-name.

White Town-Your Woman..Another 1997 classic that was both hooky and original.  The rest of the album sucked major balls and I quickly moved on to better bands like the Eels, but this song still inspires many drunken flashbacks wandering around the campus of NSU.

Verve-Bittersweet Symphony..I don’t know how people confused this band and the next one on my list.  It was two totally different sounds and they were from two different nations.  This band came at the end of the Oasis reign and stepped right in, cranking out two hits.  Most people remember it from some Reese Witherspoon movie but I can’t stand that woman so I skipped that flick.  Eat me.

Verve Pipe-Freshman..I loved this band long past their two initial hits (“Photograph” and this one).  The lead singer had a raspy “Blue October singer” type-voice and they made all around great alternative rock.  The lead singer was even in the movie Rockstar with Mark Wahlberg.  Yes, that’s how much I loved this band.

Lit-My Own Worst Enemy..Lit released this song in the summer of 1999.  American Pie was in theaters and was awesome, I was living in Iowa and had just returned from a stint in the military.  It was a great summer in Cedar Falls.

Soundgarden-Rusty Cage..People sometimes forget Chris Cornell once had a band that rocked.  Soundgarden was one of those “Seattle bands” that exploded in the grunge scene in the early 90’s.  In my opinion Nirvana had nothing on bands like Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.  I remember playing driveway basketball in flannel shirts and jean shorts to this song.  Don’t judge, jean shorts were indeed cool back then.

GooGoo Dolls-Name..This came out in 1997-1998, the year of my first (failed) attempt at living in Minnesota.  It was a fun, yet depressing year in which I learned more about myself than I had up until that point.  Oddly enough, I also liked Madonna’s “Frozen” that year.  Who’d have guessed I liked a Madonna song?

Cypress Hill-Insane in the Brain..Yes, Cypress Hill is a rap group, but if you think about it, so are the Beastie Boys.  These two groups are what I would consider fringe alternative groups.  Their music fit nicely with the alternative crowd that was typically not looking for Ice Cube (for you younger people..he used to rap, not just make stupid comedy movies) or Dr Dre, but who didn’t want the guitar infused rock either.  This was a great song for a great year.

Republica-Ready to Go..The summer of 1996 was the summer after I’d graduated high school.  I very quickly shed my “good boy” image that I had gained growing up in South Dakota and spent a summer partying like crazy.  I remember wandering through a party and seeing someone that I went to high school with.  She slammed her beer down on the table and said, “You drink?!?”  This song is embedded in my memory as a result.

Live-Lakini’s Juice..I got into a fight with my brother just hours after hearing this song.  We were playing paintball and he shot up my car.  I had a crappy Tempo, but it was SO crappy that paint dye from the paintballs stayed on my car.  I got mad and shot at him, striking him in the lip.  What ensued what a half-karate, half-WWF ass whipping.  I jump kicked, he elbow dropped, and we had it out.  Ten minutes later we were eating Scotty’s and relaxing.  Ah to be 20 again.

What an awesome radio station.

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Stoned in love PT 2

Ms Lovestoned wrote back:


Here is the extra info:

We started sending messages back and forth at the end of October.  After about two weeks of messaging daily he said he hadn’t been honest about something and told me he was currently deployed in Iraq but would be back in MN sometime in February.  I told him not to worry about it and that I was enjoying talking to him so we would just see where things went.  We continued to  message, email, Skype, (whatever) daily and by Christmas I had fallen in love with a man I had never met face to face.  Though he didn’t claim to be “in love” with me, David–that’s his name by the way–admitted he was developing strong feelings for me as well and we had to figure out a way to meet before February.

Right after New Years David left Iraq and found out he would spend about a month in Kentucky for a class to move up in rank.  It was also around this time when the whole distance thing was starting to get to us.  Plus, we were falling for each other but didn’t know if it was simply online chemistry or if we would be compatible in person.  He began to joke about how amazing it would be if I could fly to Kentucky and finally meet him.  I told him it would definitely be a possibility (my school does J-term so I only had one class during the month of January) if (1) it wasn’t completely insane to fly  to some random state to meet some random guy and (2) I wasn’t a broke college student.  Long story short, David offered to pay for my plane ticket there and back and anything I’d need while there.  At first I was completely suspicious–what man offers to pay for a mini vacation [for] a woman he’s never met?–it made me nervous.  I went back and forth with my head and heart for a week or so, then finally decided to let my heart win. It was obvious I had fallen in love and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I trusted David despite him still being somewhat of a stranger.  I told David I had made up my mind, he booked my ticket, and at the end of January I hopped on a Kentucky bound plane.

I only spent 3 days and 4 nights with David but I swear to you those were the best 3 days of my life.  I mean let’s be honest, it’s Kentucky. There honestly isn’t much to do… But the chemistry was there and it was like I had known this man forever; he told me he had fallen in love and it was perfect. There were multiple times during the trip that I would shake my head in disbelief and David would ask me what was wrong. Each time I would simply say, ‘This can’t be real. This is too perfect.’  I flew home and for two weeks anxiously awaited David’s return home.

The second week of February David finally came home. We spent a week straight together, mostly running errands and getting him settled into “civilian” life and by the end of the blissful week, David felt we were spending too much time together. He asked to spend the night alone and I got upset. I know I shouldn’t have. But at the time, I don’t know, I guess I wanted to make up for all the time we had spent apart. From that night on we began to bicker. Little things here and there, um, about anything really. Small things turned into big things, for example, I felt like David was condescending on a daily basis and he felt like I was asking too much of him.
David was condescending in a few different ways. He’s 26, I’m 20, and I honestly think he just felt he needed to remind me he had more life experience. We would get into discussions about something and if he thought something I was saying was incorrect in some way he would immediately grab his computer and google whatever it is we were discussing. He claimed he didn’t do this to prove me wrong but to make sure we both had the right facts. David also has this chuckle. God it drove me nuts. If I said something he thought was “immature” or based off of feeling not logic he would chuckle at me as if to say, “Wow… You have no idea what you’re talking about…”.
About four weeks ago we got in a huge fight. It was like any and every frustration of the past month built up and was unleashed… It was bad.  Two days after the fight David asked that we go on a “break”. He didn’t want the relationship to be completely over but felt we should “take a step back” because we rushed things. I asked him if he still was in love with me and he said all the feelings for me were still there but all the arguing made him feel like he couldn’t be a “good” boyfriend to me “right now”.  He suggested we spend a few months to think about things and then see how we felt. I didn’t like any of this of course and told him breaks were too much of a grey area for me; he either wanted to be with me or he didn’t.  David claimed he didn’t want it to be a black or white issue but if that’s how it had to be for me then he was going to say we were broken up.

The next night we spent hours on the phone going back and forth about the breakup. I was emotional, he was emotional, it was an immature conversation that got us nowhere.  The next day I wrote David a Facebook messaging telling him I believed in our relationship and felt that we needed to work on the way we communicated with each other.  To me the issues we were having were normal but were getting blown out of proportion due to poor communication. I told him time away from each other was probably a good thing but ultimately I wanted to start over and see where things went.  Before I went to bed that night David responded to my message saying that he wished me the best in life but we had to say goodbye “for good now”.  He asked that I not contact him through Facebook, telephone, email, etc.  He blocked me on Facebook, blocked my phone number… I wrote him two letters and of course got no response. It’s obvious he wants nothing to do with me but I just don’t understand.  He’s shut me out completely.

Ms Lovestoned

That is exactly what I was expecting.  It appears that either a) he realized he’d made a mistake after “falling for” (as much as one person can) a person that he’d never met, or b) he was smothered at a time that he needed space to adjust.  The fact that you seem to have initiated the bickering says you may have been scared by his independence because you were TOO dependent on having him around.  Why?  You may have felt that by this point you NEEDED him around because he made everything “perfect”, which in reality, he didn’t.  He just temporarily offset the things that weren’t right in your world.  Rather than understand his attempt at independence, you became angry and started picking away at the foundation of your relationship, which was basically a “house built on sand” at that point.  After some time, he felt either too pressured to make things work or felt suffocated to the point that he decided this budding relationship was not worth the effort.  It’s like trying to make a snowball out of ice cubes.  It’s a TON of work to get one crappy snowball.  If things were falling apart this early on, I can understand why he wanted to break things off.  I would do the same thing. The fact that he doesn’t want you to contact him says to me that he’s moved on.  He’s over it and you should be too.

But you’re not.  You’ve chosen to hang on.  I don’t blame you for wanting to hang on, but you need to realize that this is a good time to let go.  Sometimes you have to free fall before you can get back to your feet again.  Things aren’t as out of control as they may seem.  You’ve got complete control of what’s happening but you’re choosing to sink that control into feeling miserable rather than moving on.  Face it, there is a good chance that no matter what happens, he’ll never come back.  THAT IS NOT A BAD THING.   I know you’re hurting, and I wish there were things I could say to make that go away, but it’ll last for awhile..I know this from experience.  One day you’ll wake up and realize that you’re still breathing, the world is still turning, and your heart is still pumping blood through that 20 year old body of yours.  The hurt will be gone and you’ll have learned that sometimes, independence is a good thing.  For you, and for everyone.

Tough out this storm and you’ll be a better person, I promise.

Sean

Another brick in the wall..

Dave wrote:

Sean,

I have more of a work related question for you.  My guy friends just laugh at me when I ask for their advice, so I am hoping you can help.  That said, have you heard of a “stink wall”?  It’s when a guy farts while standing at a urinal.  It lingers behind you, out of smell distance, but sometimes other people walk into your stink wall (or you finish peeing only to turn around and walk through your own stink wall).  Any guy should know exactly what I am talking about.

Anyway, I was having a particularly bad digestion day and put up a stink wall while in the men’s room at work when my boss came in and walked right into my stink wall.  It was so bad that despite being in mid-sentence, he stopped talking, coughed, and walked out of the restroom.  I was mortified.

The question is, is this something I should attempt to apologize for?  He hasn’t really talked to me since “the incident”, which has been three days now.

Dave

I know what a stink wall is, and you are right in thinking most guys know this too.  I would first wonder what one could eat that would cause a speech-stopping turnaround like that?  Roadkill?  Did your boss experience any other symptoms like watery eyes or a cold sweat?  That’d be worth YouTubing.  I’d also like to know what your other guy friends said when you told them about this.

All in all, I don’t think you need to apologize.  A men’s room is a hotbed of gross and disgusting events.  At work, a men’s room may be a little more refined that the typical bar/stadium/restaurant restroom, but guys are guys.  Burping and farting are in our nature.  Your boss should walk into a men’s room knowing that there is a chance he’ll walk through a stink wall at some point in his life.  Just be careful around the house.  If your wife or girlfriend were to walk into a stink wall like yours, it may qualify as domestic abuse.

Sean

Meat shack

Tim K wrote:

Sean,

I met this girl on Match a few months ago and we’ve been on two dates.  She seems like a cool woman and says she likes talking to me and spending time with me, but I have some issues with her that I need your advice with.  After our initial date, we became “Facebook Friends” and would chat while we were at work.  The first problem is that she posts EVERYTHING about her daily life…even who she is also going on dates with, how attractive they were, how the date went, and even how they (or I) kissed her.  It’s really sickening.

The second problem is that she says she is ready for a relationship and wants to “find love again”, but seems to be dating anyone and everyone who crosses her path.  Also really sickening.  She even bragged about going out for girls’ night with her friends and making out with a random guy.

I am beginning to think that this girl has some bigger issues.  What do you think?

Tim K

Tim, to answer your question, let me just say this.  I am always grossed out by some food vendors at the fair, particularly the ones that just lay all of their meat out in trays for people to just grab after they’ve paid.  This girl seems to just be shoving her meat out there in the same fashion.  The fact that she says she’s looking for a relationship, but is posting every detail of who she goes out with says that she is more looking for approval of someone she is friends with rather than seeking true connections.  She may also be doing this because she wants guys to compete for her (which is both immature and just plain lame).  I think you are totally right with thinking she has bigger issues here.  Either she’s still in a relationship and is finding a way out, she doesn’t really know what a healthy relationship is, or she hasn’t matured emotionally yet.  In any of these cases, I think it’s time you move on.  This will only end badly if you keep pursuing her.

Sean