Bad profile pictures

After that heavy last post, I decided to give some visuals as to what NOT to do with a
dating profile picture, as well as lighten things up a bit.

Needlers/Waldos

These are people that have either ust one picture up or one picture in which they are visible, but appear to be with a crowd and have no identifying caption.  They are reminiscent of “Where’s Waldo” or like finding a needle in a haystack.

So..you’re..the blonde?  Mother F!

The brunette next to the blonde?  Dammit!

Landscapers

Landscapers are people that put more pictures of landscape pictures they’ve taken than pictures of themselves.  People, your pictures are great, but save the horizon shots for your Photobucket account.

Is that you in the balloon?  Crap!

 


Are these your friends?  You? 

Phantoms

Phantoms are people that seem to think it’s “mysterious” to hide themselves in dating profile pictures.  It’s not “mysterious”…it’s “annoying”…so “stop it.”

Psst!  Camera’s the other way moron.

Fluffies

I’m probably going to get 50 angry emails from single women after this next group, but please for the love of God, leave the excessive pictures of your pets out of your profile.  You have Snuggins the world’s cutest cat.  We get it.  Or, you have Mr. Perkins, who loves his stuffed monkey.  Outstanding.  50 pictures later and we’ve only seen ONE picture of you from 40 feet away?  No thanks.  Instead of being cute, it just makes us guys think the first date will be watching a slide show of your last vacation with your pet while picking cat fur off of our clothes for three hours.  Eek.

Snuggins.


Mr. Perkins. (Right now, half of you just went, “Aww.  I’d put that pic in MY profile..”)  Damn you.

Hunter Killers

I stole the term from Terminator, but it fits, so what the hell.  If you want a quick way for people to click right past your profile and totally forget you exist, add a hunting picture..especially one with a bloodied deer like this fine lass below.  Nothing says “I have a rifle and I’m not afraid to use it!” like Match.com.

“Wanna watch me clean “em?”

Whiners

Do you even want to be dating?  Did a friend drug you and drag you in front of the camera, then force you to write a dating profile?  Put some effort into at least looking somewhat happy in your picture.  Looking at the camera would be a good start.   Don’t begin your profile with “I don’t really want to be here..” either.  Take a Paxil and smile!

“Dammit Grandma, I said I’m NOT joining Cupid.com! WHAT?!  You already wrote my profile?!”

Serial Killers

They may not be a serial killer, but their picture says “I’ll kill you in your sleep because I loooovvve you!”

Try go get some sleep imagining HER hot breath on your cheek at night.


Prostitutes

Maybe they’re not REAL prostitutes, but would you want to risk running into her pimp when you say, “Hey, I thought this was a REAL date!”  Ladies, pics like this give the wrong impression.  If it’s Halloween, a caption does wonders.  If it’s not Halloween, list what your hourly rate is for the guys that are into that sort of thing.

$50 or guido takes a testicle.

So that’s it for now.  Don’t worry, the guy’s edition is coming up in the next version.  Keep these tips in mind when entering the online dating world and you’ll hopefully attract a better type of guy.

Sean

Advertisements

One comment

  1. Stephany · May 2, 2010

    Bravo Sean!No joke here… people are so silly when it comes to this sort of stuff…

Comments are closed.