Where fishermen fear to tread..

Ali wrote:


I’m a member of a “fish-named” dating site and I have a question maybe you can help me with.  I’ve had some luck there, but it seems that there are SO many online daters that change personalities after things get serious.  It’s almost as if they will try to become whoever they think the person wants, then when they “hook them”, they switch back to themselves.  It’s happened about a dozen times and it’s really frustrating.  I’m someone who is sick of casting her line back into open waters, so how do I find someone that won’t pull the bait and switch on me?

Ali

Ali,

I love the fishing references in relation to the site you’re on.  Good job there.  The advice I have for you is to suggest that you are perhaps looking for the wrong person.  It seems to me that, while some may be pulling a bait and switch, having this happen a dozen or so times suggests that you’re so set on finding something that has qualities that you look for that you’re ignoring red flags along the way.  After the “shine” of the new part of the relationship wears off, you are left with someone you don’t want to be with and they’re holding a fistful of red flags.

Sometimes, we’re so caught up in the “new car smell” that we don’t realize it’s really just an air freshener in an ’81 Yugo.  You DO deserve what you want, but maybe it’s best you take some time off from dating and figure out what you don’t want.  After you’ve got that part down, you can head out fishing again.  Learn to recognize flags that point to characteristics that are deal breakers for you and don’t forget to communicate your needs.  You’ll make a great catch.

Sean

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