I am not a religious person, I am not old fashioned, but yet, I find myself wishing it were possible to somehow combine the aspects of emotion and dating early on without disastrous results. I feel our society is so set on instant gratification that we are unable to wait for emotion to mature and for intimacy to progress naturally. Instead, we first see how they are in bed, then begin to either push them away or like them more. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but I am saying it isn’t the way I feel it should be.
I fell in love with my best friend. We had the typical Pretty in Pink Ducky type high school relationship. He pined after me for three years until I finally realized that he cared. When I did realize he cared, I also realized I cared too, and much more than I’d ever thought. We dated officially (not just him making mix tapes) for me for three years before getting married. Intimacy came about one year into that and it was fantastic. (Ladies, if you have the chance, snag a nerd. While the “douchebag” types were out making asses of themselves or flexing for each other, nerds were studying sex! Just a suggestion.)
Anyway, we got married in 1996 and were happy. He died of a brain aneurysm in 2007. He left my life as quickly as I’d realized he loved me. It’s taken almost 3 years to get my life straightened out. I miss him every day, but I know he wouldn’t want me to be the wallflower for the rest of my life, and neither would our two children. I have started dating this past month, and as scary as it is nowdays, I can’t help but remember what it used to be, and what it used to mean.
Whether or not you agree with intimacy up front or later on is beside the point. Seek to make meaningful connections. Don’t let your heart blind you, let it guide you.
That was the best response I think we could have asked for. That was absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for writing.