Blame game

Trinity wrote:

Sean,

I have an issue here.  I used to be in great shape, but throughout college (after a really bad relationship), I gained a bunch of weight and became really self-conscious.  I avoided the gym like the plague because I didn’t want to be the “fat chick” at the gym and ended up gaining more weight.  Despite my size, I met a really great, attractive, and in-shape guy about four years ago and we’ve since gotten married.  After our first child, I told him I wanted to be healthy again and he offered to help me lose weight.  The problem is that he is too driven.  I set these goals for my progress when we started and now he is too firm on reaching those goals.  Sometimes, I get home from work and don’t really want to exercise, but he pesters me (not in a mean way, just simple pestering) until I start.  He is always positive, but doesn’t give me any room to slack, complain, or give up..and it’s leading to me becoming frustrated and arguing with him.  I am not in control of how I want my fitness and I don’t like it.  I feel like he is becoming the reason I don’t want to work out and complete my goals.  What do I do?

Trinity

Trinity,

Suck it up.  That’s the only advice I have for you.  In the end, YOU set these goals and YOU are the one not sticking to them.  I think your frustration is with yourself, knowing you want to give up and he is still pushing.  Your husband simply doesn’t want you to fail.  He isn’t being mean, he isn’t letting you give up or slack off, and he is helping you along the way.  That is amazing!  Many guys would give up after their wife did, but he’s helping you maintain your discipline.  I know sometimes the road to being healthy isn’t a pleasant one and there are days that you “just don’t feel like it”, but if you’ve set goals for yourself, you need to do your best to achieve them.  You lost control after your bad relationship and furthered that loss of control by avoiding the gym.  From the looks of it, you need to gain that control again and he is trying to make sure you get it.  Have you ever watched the Biggest Loser?  People on that show often break down, throw tantrums, and complain when they don’t get to control when they give up.  Learning that people around you care enough to NOT let you give up is a difficult process, but you need to do that.  He is staying positive and goal oriented in a time that you are willing to give up your goals.  The next time you feel yourself getting frustrated, remember that he is being strong for you in a time that you have lost your strength.  Good luck reaching those goals!

Sean

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