One of these things is not like the other..

Jenny wrote:

Hi Sean!

I really like your blog, and the post the other day about dating and intimacy melted my heart!  It was also what made me want to write in.  Here it goes:

I have a lifetime of bad decisions behind me.  I was a mother at 15 (my son’s dad disappeared), had a drinking problem at 17 (my parents basically raised my son), and I had a criminal record by 19 (nothing major, just an assault charge).  I dated the wrong guys, put myself in the wrong situations, and was always the one left in the crapper when it all came down.  I wised up and set out to change my life.  I now have an MBA, my son back as my own, and a great job, but I am left heartbroken as of late, because the guy I’d been dating for the past 6 months broke up with me.

I knew Kyle for four years and we’d gone on a few dates here and there, but we didn’t get serious until 7 months ago.  He was the first person that I’d let in since I got back on track.  We started dating and I felt this flood of emotion.  I wanted to talk to him, see him, and be with him all of the time.  I couldn’t obviously do that, but he was always on my mind.  One kiss from him would make me weak in the knees, and every time we talked, I didn’t want the night to end.  He made me feel better than anyone ever could-or did.  I knew I was moving too fast emotionally, but being with him was so new to me, so I let myself feel.  Kyle ended up feeling differently though, and broke things off about three weeks ago.  He was straightforward and simply told me it wasn’t going to work in the long run.  I tried to ask why, but he just kept saying that’s what he felt.

I let him go, but I want to pursue him and get him back.  I want to try.  What do I do?  I don’t want to come off as being the psycho ex.

Jenny

Jenny,

If you don’t pursue him, you won’t be the psycho ex.  Let him go.  Before you close your internet browser and curse my name, hear me out.  I think you felt the way he did because it was different.  He was different than the men of your past, the situation was different than your past, and you just gave in to the “snowball” effect and let things roll into something larger.  However, as a snowball rolls downhill and gains size and speed, it’s also more likely to crash.  From the wording you used above, I honestly believe you cared because it was new and different and positive.  It’s not him..it’s the situation.

He didn’t feel it would work, and sometimes in these situations, it’s better to keep your feet on the ground and move on.  There are other people in this world that will see your value and bring you as much happiness as you deserve.  You’ve done a good thing and turned your life around.  Keep going with that and someone else will see how wonderful you are.

Sean

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