Introductons aside

Pam wrote:

Sean, I have a question for you, when is it okay to introduce your child to the person you are dating?  I’d been seeing a guy for two months and we just made it official as boyfriend and girlfriend, but when I told him I wanted to introduce him to my 5 year old son, he wasn’t interested just yet and explained that he just felt it was too early.  I was pissed, but I let it go.  What is your opinion of these types of things?

Pam
Pam,

He’s right.  If it feels too early for either person, it’s too early.  Chances are that this guy cares enough about you and your child to wait it out because he wants to make sure you and he are a sure thing before involving the child.  I hope you haven’t introduced your son to every boyfriend you’ve had in the two month time frame.  The last thing a child needs is to have every guy mom dates dragged in front of him.  I’m not saying you can’t make arrangements to introduce him as a friend or something like that (and then back it up with not being affectionate around the child until you’ve explained you are more than friends), but a child needs to realize that a relationship, especially a committed relationship is about exactly that.  Commitment.  If you think a breakup is hard, imagine how hard it is on the child when they get really attached to someone then never see them again.  Imagine that happening multiple times.  It’s not something that a parent should put a child through.  When the relationship feels right and both people feel right, then think about the child involved and ask yourself if it’s the right time for the child.  If it’s “yes” for all three, I say go for it.

Sean

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