BMX vs Honda Civic

Nathan wrote:

Sean

I just joined a dating site, but I seem to find a TON of women that are just looking for friendship on a dating site, what’s up with that?  Why would you join a dating site to find friends?  I think it’s like false advertising.  What’s your take?

Nathan

Nathan,

I feel your pain.  Despite the number of people out there that may be thinking, “Well, you have to find friendship before a relationship..I don’t see what the big deal is..”, I feel that searching a dating friendship is like racing a BMX bike against a Honda Civic. Yes, they move forward, but they are two totally different vehicles and go two totally different speeds.  The same goes with dating and friendships.  Dating sites are for people to use for dating and relationships, and yes, friendship is important, but it’s up to the user to define exactly what they are looking for (i.e., “I am looking to form a solid friendship with the person I date..”) from a relationship.  I cannot agree enough that those people strictly looking for friendship should stay away from dating sites.  It is just not the right venue for that.

There should be a site besides Craigslist for finding friendship.  I am sure all martian transvestites with webbed toes need friends too, so I am glad Craigslist is there, but shouldn’t there be a friend making site?  Is there one?  Facebook works, but people are always so protective and stuck in their little circles.

Anyway,  someone that wants to be rich should invent that.  I don’t want any emails saying “Friendfinder.com” is already there.  That’s worse than Craigslist.  Eesh.  Better yet, people should just be more comfortable making friends with strangers.  It’s much easier that it seems, and much safer than finding friendship online.

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Emailing Soup.

On June 10th, I was sent a letter by a man calling himself Ed.  I’ve been emailing him back and forth since then and have decided to post the letters.  Here they are:

On June 10th Ed wrote:

Sean,

I want to be Ed.  My name isn’t Ed, but I think that by the time I finish my letter, you’ll agree that if I want to be called Ed, I should get the chance.  I’ve been reading your blog since discovering it one day while bouncing aimlessly around the internet.  I like the fact that despite your sometimes brutal honesty, you are positive about life and the wonders that it holds.  I wish I could have seen the world through your eyes.

I have a malignant glioma Sean, which may ring a bell (or may not) because the late Senator Ted Kennedy had one and did not win his fight.  I know, and have known for a few months that I will also not win my fight.  I used to have a wonderful job and a fast paced lifestyle, but these days I can also appreciate the sometimes maddening slowness of taking things day to day.  It’s in this day to day routine that I have began to find the wonderment with life that so many of us lose as children.  I’m not dating anyone, and I am not close to my father (he was a drug addict and kicked me out of the house when I was 13), so I’ve mainly spent my time just visiting with friends but they’ve started to not want to be around me, mainly because I think they know what’s coming.  It’s tough sometimes to be positive and friendly with someone you may not see tomorrow.  I also like to people watch from my apartment window on good days.   It overlooks a beautiful park here and I love to watch people having a good time.   I’m not doing any hospice care or anything, so when I go, I’ll go quietly-hopefully looking out of my window with a smile.

I am writing to you because I have discovered that you and I seem to see the world in similar ways and I would really like to leave some sort of written communication with a total stranger that I’ve developed an e-closeness with in the past few months.  What do you say?  Do you have time to have a pen pal?  I don’t know how busy this thing gets.  Email me back if you like.

Ed

Ed,

I will gladly be your pen pal.  I assume you’ve tried the different treatments for your glioma?  Are you in bed full time now?  You mentioned hospice care, so I didn’t know what shape you were in.  If you aren’t in bed, do you have anything planned for summer?  It’s my birthday tomorrow and I am having a party.  I’ll take some pictures and send them to you if you like, so you can see what it was like.  I don’t know how many pictures I’ll get done before I have to put the camera away though, last year was a rough one..too many drinks.  This year should be fun though.  I am really looking forward to seeing everyone.

Sean

On June 13th, Ed wrote:

Sorry I didn’t email you back sooner Sean.  It’s been a rough few days.  I got some of the pictures you sent.  It looked like a great place to be and you have some fun looking friends.  To answer your questions, I have tried any treatment available, but gliomas are hard to treat.  Also, I am pretty much in bed almost full time now.  I have a nurse that takes care of me from time to time, but I can still get up to go to the bathroom, so I have that going for me.  Ha-ha-ha.

It’s raining here, which I don’t like because no one goes to the park when it rains.  How has your weather been?

Ed

Ed,

The weather here was okay.  It rained the morning of my birthday and parts of the days afterward.  This upcoming week will be cloudy and rainy on and off, but not too bad.  My daughter and I like to swim at the Lifetime Fitness (a really cool gym if you haven’t heard of it), and I get a nice workout, so if it’s nice we’ll swim outside this week.  What do you do on your rainy days?  Have any friends come back around?  I’d stop by if you were near me.  I know that may seem weird, but you seem like a good person, and I’d like to think if I was in your situation, someone would do the same for me.  Maybe we’d chat.  I’ll bring some lunch or something.  It’s up to you.

Sean

I hadn’t heard anything from him by June 19th, so I wrote him:

Ed,

Hadn’t heard back from you buddy.  Just checking in to see if you got my last email.

Sean

June 22nd Ed wrote:

I got it.  I can’t really talk now.  Things aren’t good right now, but I’ll email you back when I can.  The nurse wants me to be on morphine and it makes me freak out.  I just sleep alot now.  Talk soon.

E~

On June 23rd, Ed wrote:

Sean,

I think dinner would be good, but I am in the heart of Ohio, so I fear that’s a bit too far for you to bring lunch, unless…you figured out a way to email soup?  Ha-ha-ha.

I called my dad.  I cried so hard while tlaking to him.  I’d held all of this anger in and refused to talk to him after he’d kicked me out and when I heard his voice,  I just broke down.  He’ll be here in just a few days.  I am excited to see him.  I don’t have much longer to live Sean, so if you don’t hear from me again, I just want you to know how much I appreciate the emails you’ve sent.  I wih I would have started this earlier-there is so much I could tell you about me.  I hope all is well with you.  How was swimming?

E~
Ed,

Swimming was great.  Olivia is trying to teach herself how to swim and is doing an excellent job.  She has the front crawl pretty much down..except for the breathing part.  She still has to stop and breathe once in awhile, but don’t we all?  I am glad you called your dad.  Have you called any other friends?  Has anyone come by to see you?  Morphine doesn’t sound fun.  I am really sensitive to drugs like that.  I had codeine once after my wrist surgery and had hallucinations that the ceiling was moving.  Fun, but scary.  I hope you are as comfortable as you can be, I am still working on inventing a way to email soup.

Sean

On June 27th, I got this email:

Sean

This is Ed, I’m Adam’s father.  I just wanted you to know that he passed away last night and I was at his side, along with three of his close friends.  Over the past few days, we’ve done some crying, some laughing, and we all learned to say goodbye on different levels.  Some lost a friend, but I lost a son.  My only son.

Adam told us about you and he writing letters and I think it was a wonderful thing that you did for him.  When we couldn’t be there for him, you were.  I also noticed he was calling himself Ed, which is my name.  When I asked him why he chose Ed, he told me I was the only person he could think of during his last few weeks.  I miss him so much right now.  He has always been and will always be loved.

If you’re wondering what happened with us, his mom dies when he was two and I couldn’t take it.  I developed a drug problem when he was younger and I kicked him out one night after he’d thrown my stuff in the toilet.  I hit him pretty bad too, from what I remember.  He left willingly and never looked back, but I did my best to reconcile once I got cleaned up and went through treatment.  I went to his high school and college graduations, though he wouldn’t see me and I have sent him a Christmas and birthday card every single year of his life.  I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to think I was a bad person.  I loved him more than any father could love a son.  I was so happy when he called that I could barely stand.

Adam was a great man.  He was always concerned with doing what was right and making the world better by showing people the good in life.  He was wickedly funny, charming, and could hold a good conversation with total strangers.  He knew everybody.  Just over one hundred people showed up for his funeral.

Sean, thank you again.  I am not really into the “blog” thing, or much into computers-I , but his friends have been reading it and say you have done a good thing here.  Adam would really be proud of what you are doing for people.  If you’re ever in the Boston area, look me up.  I’d love to grab a coffee and shake your hand.  If you find a way to email soup, I like tomato.  Just plain tomato.  With or without bread.

Best wishes,

Ed

So there you go.  I posted something personal for those of you wanting more personal aspects in my blog.  This was really hard for me to go through, let alone repost.  Things like this aren’t easy to do, which is one difficult part of having a blog, but at the same time, it is moments like this that make it all worth while.  I am glad I could do something like this for someone.  Ed, thank you for writing.  Adam, thank you for living.  I hope you have a park up there, wherever you are.

I wasn’t initially going to post this, but I thought to myself this morning while re-reading these, “This is as real as it gets.”

I’ve got tunes, that jingo JANGO jingo…

I’d like to tell you about Jango.com.  It’s pretty awesome and I am pretty much addicted to it, so I thought I’d share it with you.

Jango is a site in which you can create music playlists (kind of like IMEEM was) and have a constantly changing and evolving music playlist of the music YOU want to hear (so no sitting through crappy Akon songs unless you want that), with minimal interruption.  The greatest part of Jango is when you search for an artist, it will also give you a similar artist lineup that you can also explore and add to your playlist, thereby INCREASING your musical universe!

I know what you’re saying.  You’re saying, “But Sean, I’m just a Pandora user, how does this affect me?”  (Or you’re saying, “How did I get that popsicle in my sock drawer?”..but there is no helping you people)  Pandora is great but Jango is easier to use and the “similar artist” recommendations are much closer to being actually similar artists.  You won’t get the Jack Johnson to Metallica jumps like Pandora does from time to time.

Check it out.  I think you’ll like it.  Jango is here.

Song lyrics that are quite creepy..

I like lyrics.  I think about what the artist is trying to say and it can really make a difference as to whether or not I like a song.  There are a few songs out today that I think are TRYING to say a different message, but come off as really creepy.  Here they are (pardon the grammar..they are pasted from a lyrics site):

Akon I wanna love you
Two parts of this song stand out as creepy.  The first is Akon’s part and the second is by Snoop Dogg himself.

AKON
See you lookin’ at me now what its gon’ be.  Just another tease far as I can see
Tryna get you up out this club if it means spendin’ a couple dubs. Throwin’ bout 30 stacks in the back make it rain like that cause I’m far from a scrub, and you know my pedigree, ex-deala use to move amphetamines.  Girl I spend money like it don’t mean nothing and besides I got a thing for you.

Soooo you’re a drug dealer who wants to basically buy some ass?  That’s awesome.  Go with that.  Girls get your bear mace ready.  Aim and fire in 3..2…1…

Snoop
Mobbin’ through the club and I’m low pressin’. I’m sittin’ in the back in the smoker’section (just smokin’).  Birds eye, I got a clear view..you can’t see me, but I can see you (baby I see you)

WTF?  Is he stalking this woman?  He’s just hiding in the shadows watching her?  He’s that creepo in the corner at strip clubs with the weird smile and even weirder stain on his jeans.

Jason Derulo- In my head
Just leave with me now. Say the word and well go. We can go.  I’ll be your teacher. I’ll show you the ropes.  You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known.  I can see it going down, going down.  In my head, I see you all over me.  In my head, you fulfill my fantasy. You’ll be screaming no.

You may know by now that Jason Derulo doesn’t always pick the best lyrics and this is a prime example.  He comes off sounding like an old guy that wants to play “hot for teacher” but it’s all in his head.  He’s got the whole thing planned out in his head.  DANGER!!    He’s probably got a shovel and a briefcase of roofies in his trunk.  Watch the hell out.

Mike Posner-Cooler than me
You got designer shades, just to hide your face and you wear them around like, you’re cooler than me.  And you never say hey, or remember my name.  It’s probably cause, you think you’re cooler than me. You got your high brow shoes on your feet,
and you wear them around, like they ain’t shit.  But you don’t know, the way that you look, when your steps make that much noise.

So Mike Posner (who the hell is this whiny baby anyway??) thinks some woman is attractive and follows her around waiting for her to acknowledge him.  Mike Posner sounds like the annoying guy women avoid like the plague at clubs.  No, she doesn’t want to say hi..she wants to kick you in the balls and get a restraining order.

B.O.B-Nothing on You
I know you feel where I’m coming from regardless of the things in my past that I’ve done.  Most of it really was for the hell of the fun-on the carousel so around I spun (spun), with no directions just tryna get some (some).  Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun (sun).  This is how I lost more than I had ever won and honestly I ended up with none.

B.O.B here seems to think it’s okay to chase other women as long as it’s just for fun.  He “ended up with none” because the other women watched him chase 20 other “skirts” before he got to them.  I imagine B.O.B crying nightly in his motel room over a sticky picture of his ex..

Enrique Iglesias-I like it
Girl please excuse me if I’m coming too strong, but tonight is the night we can really let go, my girlfriend is out of town and I’m all alone. Your boyfriend is on vacation and he doesn’t have to know.

This is an Armageddon sized meteor of drama waiting to happen.  First, he is flat out saying he is in a relationship.  Secondly, he is saying he knows your boyfriend is out of town.  What the hell??  Is he stalking you?  This is from the same guy who once sang, “Let me be your Hero baby..”  He sounds more like a villain… a villain with crabs.

H Wood-Could it be you (punk rock chick)
I like a punk rock chick with hair just like Rihanna.  Like a go-go girl who dance like Lady Gaga.  They the girls that start the party.  (Hey!) So Baby could it be you could it be you, be you, be you.  I like them girls, girls who don’t care.  Sweat pants or stilettos it don’t matter what she wear.

This guy obviously has no idea what a punk rock chick looks like.  They don’t wear go-go outfits, dance like Lady Ga-Ga, or have hair like Rhianna.  They don’t wear sweat pants either.  Punk rock chicks wear jeans, leather, are more about moshing or slam dancing,  and have big black boots that are for kicking the ass of guys like you.

David Guetta ft Akon-Sexy Bitch
She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before!  Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore! I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful!  The way, that booty movin’ – I can’t take no more.  Have to stop what I’m doin’, so I can pull up her close I’m tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful!

You’re quite the crooner Akon.  Way to go on your goal of not being disrespectful.  I am sure women just swoon when you say they are better than the neighborhood whore, or when you try to grind on her ass because her “booty movin'” is making you lose control.  Your mom would be proud.

Colby O’Donnis-I wanna Touch You
You don’t ever holla ’cause you do straight loyal.  Make my temperature boil till it burns, burns, burns, burns.  I wanna touch you
but I’m trying keep control of my hands.  I wanna touch you but you’re probably making love to your man.  I wanna touch you
but I got to make myself understand..

Oof.  This is the guy that KNOWS you’re happy with your boyfriend but keeps begging for you to play a game of “just the tip” with him.  Careful, he’s probably hiding in your closet while you romp with your boyfriend.

Why?

I started thinking last night while laying in bed and began to wonder why people abbreviate California as “Cali”.  Personally I can’t stand it.  Does that mean Pennsylvania should be “Penny”, Mississippi “Missy”, South Carolina “So Car”, Montana “Monty”?  I just don’t see why it’s such a big deal to say the last few syllables.

Maybe that’s just me..

Random weekend happenings

This was a really good weekend.  I got hailed on, was in an awful storm, and am really sore, but here are some other random things that happened.

I went for coffee and had a conversation with a wonderfully intellectual individual.

I went and showed my support for the gay and lesbian community at the Pride Festival. 

I played football and may have accidentally broken a guy’s nose.  That’s right, someone ELSE got hurt this time.  I feel bad and hope he gets better.

I spent time with people I hope to see again soon. 

I ate an incredible hamburger and drank beer that tastes like cherry pie.

I got a picture from my friends Kris and Amy in Omaha with some new places to check out the next time I get down there.

I got Olivia back today and updated her Ipod with fresh stuff.  Mgmt, Jonas Brothers, and a ton of new music for her to rock out to. 

I got a damn sunburn.

All of this since Friday.  Next week is a long weekend.  What will it bring?  What about the weekend after that?  Time will tell.  More new blog posts soon!

Playground love

Lucas wrote:

Sean,

I am hoping you can give me some advice.  I am in love with a girl I went to elementary school with, but she lives almost 600 miles away.  Here’s the story:

Jenny and I met when I was in elementary school and were bitter enemies.  She was always trying to prove she was right.  We didn’t talk much throughout elementary school or middle school, but in high school, we’d both changed and while at a party one night, really hit it off.  Nothing ever happened though because she moved away for college before I had a chance to tell her how I feel.  It’s been two years now and we’ve talked from time to time, I have talked to her every time I see her post some sad post on facebook about what’s going on her life, and we usually run into each other over the holidays too.

She called me the other day and said she NEEDED to hear my voice.  We talked awhile, about nothing really major, but we talked.  I was so happy to just hear her say she NEEDED me.  When we were saying our goodbyes she also said something that shook my very soul.  She said she missed me.  Not “I miss talking to you”, or “I miss seeing you”, but “I miss you.”  I paused and told her I missed her too, but what I really wanted to do was break down and tell her I’ve been secretly in love with her all of the years since high school, but I just couldn’t do it.  My guys say I am in the friend zone, but I think there’s more to it than that.  At least I hope there is.  Should I tell her?

Lucas

Lucas,

Sometimes it can be a challenge to tell someone how you feel, especially if you’ve known her for as long as you have.  Has she ever turned you down before?  If so, it can be even more stressful. 

I say tell her how you feel.  Don’t necessarily use the “secretly in love” line because that may sound a little creepy, but tell her how you feel.  If nothing else, it will clear up any confusion on either side.  There are moments in life when taking this kind of a step is a make or break situation, so be tactful, be respectful, and let her know.  I know it can be a tough thing to develop feelings for someone and care for them over time, but you’ve done the right thing in being there for her.  If for some reason she doesn’t feel the same way, make sure you don’t let that affect your ability to continue being there for her.  The best relationships are sprung from friendships, so remember that, and good luck.

Sean