Sarah Q responded, and rather quickly:

You’re lucky I’ve been checking for your advice, otherwise I would have totally missed this.  Here we go.  My responses are in bold under your questions because I just copied and pasted.

1. Are you telling the guys you date the “who-what-where-when” part?  Are you leaving that out?  Are you refusing to answer those questions?  (I got the feeling you were refusing to answer those questions in a sort of, “You’re not my father” type of way.)  I think I was pretty clear here.  I don’t feel the need to explain myself (the “who-what-where-when”) to anyone, so I don’t offer it and I don’t like to be questioned on it.  I don’t get mad or anything, but when they ask, I either change the subject or tell them they don’t need to know.

2. How do you feel it’s rude to answer your phone while hanging with someone else?  See number 4.

3. If you ARE telling the BF who you’re going out with, do they just call because they don’t like who you’re with? I don’t tell them who I am with.  It’s none of their business what I do or who I am with.

4. Would you answer the phone for anyone else BUT your BF, or are all calls ignored?  I answer for friends or family, but I ignore just my BF.  I’d answer if I knew it was an emergency, but I don’t answer if it’s normal calling.  I think it is usually something stupid or them wondering where I went or who I am with, so I choose not to answer.

5. When I mentioned in my advice that maybe it was because you were hiding something, have you done anything that would make the men you date think you WERE hiding something?  Have you cheated on these guys? I think the only thing I’ve done to them is not give them info.  I see where you think it may make people suspicious, but I don’t think it’s any of my BF’s business what I do.  My time is MY time.  When I want to spend time with him, I’ll let him know.  But, yes, I have cheated on a few BF’s.  I always make it a point to tell that to the people I date.  When it all gets bad, all I need to do is make a call and I have people wanting to see me.  They need to know where I stand.

6.  When you say dating, do you mean boyfriend/girlfriend?  I know my terms are different than some..
Dating is boyfriend-girlfriend.  I think there are only three stages.  A date, dating, love.  That’s it.  Some people want it to be so complicated.

I hope this is the clarification you wanted.  I don’t think my original email was that complicated, but if you’re getting emails, I’d rather explain things so people fully understand my side. I don’t think I am in the wrong here, even after reading your advice.


Thanks for writing Sarah.  To those of you that wrote in questioning my methods, I stand by my advice.  Communication is essential in a relationship.  People may vary in opinion on whether it is essential in the “seeing each other” stages, and that is fine, but in a relationship it is absolutely necessary.  The fact that Sarah is answering her phone for other people and just not for her boyfriend also shows that she does not respect her boyfriend as an equal.  Lack of respect, lack of communication..it’s not a relationship, it’s a dictatorship.  It’s an “I’ll do what I want and be with you when I want” supernova waiting to happen.  No wonder there is drama there.  Sarah, I hope you figure things out.  It’ll never get better for you if you don’t.