Kings and queens

Anonymous wrote:

I really like your blog Sean and I am happy it’s doing as well as it is.  I have an interesting situation-well, for me anyway.  I am in high school and have had problems with dating.  I am in the “popular” crowd and all of my friends have boyfriends in the popular crowd, but I was never interested in those guys (they make your description of douchebags look like studs), so I started dating this guy who is kind of a middle of the road guy.  He’s handsome, has a good head on his shoulders, great friends, and is a wonderful guy, but my friends won’t let him spend time with us because he isn’t popular.  They ridicule him and make fun of him until he gets frustrated and leaves.  I really like this guy, but I don’t want to upset my friends.  What do I do?

Anonymous

Anonymous,

Popularity doesn’t last past high school.  Those that think image and popularity matter past high school never really find happiness because they’re always searching for acceptance.  You like this guy and your friends are being mean to him, which says to me that they aren’t true friends.  If this is a good guy, true friends would be kind to him because he was someone you liked, not dislike him because he isn’t “popular”.  Kings and queens of the social scene don’t have a kingdom past graduation.

It’s up to you now.  Decide what matters more, your friends who aren’t being true friends, or a really good guy you care about.

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Weight of the world.

Karl wrote:

Sean,

I’ve been dating a woman for about a year and a half and just recently found out her credit is ruined.  She has about $70,000 in debt, with about half of that in collections.  She feels the best way to escape debt is to just not pay.  I tried talking to her about it because I can’t see spending my life with someone who has been so irresponsible, but she got really upset and said I should just take her as she is.  I really care about her, but I am not going to get married and take on all of her debt if she has no intention of ever paying for it.  What do I do?

Karl

Karl

Excessive debt can sometimes feel like the weight of the world is resting on the shoulders of the person that owes the money.  However, running from debt is never a good thing.  I would recommend talking to her again and explaining what kind of effect this discovery has had on your feelings of a future between you two.  Don’t give ultimatums, just explain that it’s causing some issues.  try to get her to understand that you value the relationship, but also that  in a marriage, both people need to be responsible in every aspect.  If she refuses to step up, maybe it’s time to step away.

Good luck.

Sean

Freedom in the fall

Katy wrote:

Sean,

I have a problem.  I have been dating a guy for three years and it’s not going well.  We’ve been on and off for two years and it just keeps getting worse every time we get back together.  I keep thinking I can be okay without him, but I always end up taking him back and we continue fighting and cheating.  It’s not fun, it’s not a good situation and I know I need to get out, but I just can’t bring myself to be alone.  Help!

Katy.
Katy,

I was talking to someone today and explained that sometimes, there is freedom in the “fall” of letting go.  It’s like one of those action movies where the hero is hanging from a cliff.  He can climb up to find the timebomb, or he can just let go and fall into the unknown.  Rather than face certain death, he lets go, and falls in slow motion.  An exhale sound plays and the hero falls away from the camera toward the ground, but at the last second, gets saved.  Sometimes to get saved, you have to let go and take that fall. 

Staying in a relationship that constantly makes you and the other person unhappy is not a productive relationship.  It may seem scary to picture the thought of being alone, but you have to let go of something like this in order to straighten yourself back out.  You mentioned cheating..are you?  Is he?  Are you both?  I am a firm believer if one time breakups.  I don’t like going back, I don’t like second chances, and I think that every effort should be put into not breaking up, versus breaking up and getting back together.  In my opinion, work on things to PREVENT the breakup, but if the breakup happens, let go and move on.  If you spend your time breaking up getting back together, respect is lost every single time until there is nothing left but a big mess.

Loosen your grip and let go.  Don’t go back.  You’ll be happier in the long run, I can promise this.  I know I am.

Sean