I just started seeing someone and am having trouble keeping the relationship going because of her schedule. She is a model and dancer at some clubs (not a stripper), so she works weird hours (8PM-3AM) at the club, but then spaces her model stuff through out the day and sleeps whenever she isn’t working. The problem is that I get calls from her at 4Am-she says she can’t sleep and wants to see me. I work a normal houred job from 8-5, so it’s not like I can just get up and go over there, so she gets upset. She’ll call me during the day while I am at work and say she has nothing to do and just woke up from a nap (and wants to see me), but when I remind her I am at work, she gets upset. Lately, she’s been posting things on Facebook saying I don’t have time for her, but it seems like she isn’t making any attempt to make time for me on my end either. What do I do?
The whole club dancer/model scene requires different hours than most people, and there are some people in that industry that pay the price in relationships as a result of it. Maybe it’s the money, booze and focus on image, but many of the men that work those club jobs are the d-bag types. There are a few gems, but mostly it’s just douchebags as far as the eye can see. Couple that with the fact that these women make a living out of being treated like objects and you’ve got the possibility of having some messed up relationships.
Some women never outgrow this phase while other women that work those positions try to find relationships elsewhere. Some pull it off. They realize that their hours are different than most and they try to make things work with someone by changing a nap schedule or two, moving some shoots, or cutting back on nights they work late. Others are too selfish. They get caught up in the whole lifestyle of drinking, partying, money and the attention that being a dancer/model brings. It sounds like this woman is either selfish, or oblivious to your needs. Also, what’s with the Facebook posting? That seems like she may be trying to get attention from other guys on her friend list or trying to drum up support from her friends that share this lifestyle. Either way, dragging this issue onto Facebook is inappropriate.
So what to do? Well, try seeing things from her perspective. I know you work “normal hours”, but have you tried changing up some of your sleep (like maybe on a Friday or something so it doesn’t affect your work..)? If you’re taking some steps, have a conversation with her and ask her to take steps too. If this is worth working on, hopefully you can make a movement in the right direction.