Ed isn’t my real name but I didn’t feel like writing John Smith like the million of other anonymous emails you may get. I am writing because I am having a problem with a woman I am dating, or let me rephrase, my FAMILY is having the problem. I am a 30 year old white male who grew up in a small town in Montana -statistically one of the whitest states in the US-and I am dating a beautiful African woman who is the love of my life. We have dated for three years now and are engaged to be married, but the problem is that my parents do not accept her because she is African. They were okay with us dating because my mom felt it wasn’t permanent, but now that we’re engaged and she sees that my fiancee and I are going to make a lifelong commitment to each other, and she’s furious. My dad on the other hand, has like always, decided to stay out of things which to me is like agreeing with her.
With the wedding 6 months away and my mother trying to have my relatives boycott it, what do I do?
No offense Ed, but your mom sucks. What do you do with 6 months left before the wedding? Keep going on with the wedding. If your relationship is a good relationship and you’ve committed yourself for a lifelong love with this woman, why let a few closed-minded individuals get in the way of that?
When we are young, our parents sometimes don’t approve of whom we date..it’s a given. As we get older, and we’ve learned our lessons and matured into well adjusted adults, our parents will still be there to lend advice in relationships..whether we like it or not. However, your mother seems to be skipping the advice part of the relationship and is instead ruining any hope of having any kind of positive relationship with you and your wife simply because your wife has a different skin color. Lame. Whether or not she agrees with it, she’s got to realize that the world is not as segregated as it was when she was younger. It’s a pretty wonderful thing when cultures and races combine, and she needs to (at the very LEAST) try to be more understanding.
What do you do? Talk with her. Explain that if she cannot accept your wife and the union between the two of you, she will not have a place in your future either. From now on, her love and acceptance will need to be for you AND you future wife.