double dipper

Anonymous wrote:

I am a 32 year old male who is facing a unique dilemma.  I am dating a woman who lives with her ex…and has a child with him. 

We have been dating for about three months and it’s getting really difficult to make things work.  Her ex is a really possessive and jealous guy and threatens her with court and custody stuff whenever he finds out we’re together.  She says she can’t move out because they have the house together and neither one can afford to make payments on the house plus afford rent somewhere else.  I asked her to move in with me, but she feels her ex would take away her son.  My friends think she’s full of crap and is actually still dating this guy, but she swears she isn’t.  What do I do?  What do you think?

Anynomous
Anonymous,
It sounds as if you are facing one of two issues:

1.  She’s a double dipper.  She’s happy with you but still involved with him.  If your relationship mattered to her, she’d find a way to make things work as well as find a way to work things out with her ex.  He can’t threaten her with anything if she isn’t doing anything wrong.  Has she looked into any legal help?  Something doesn’t smell right here, and it’s not the baby’s diapers.

2.  She is facing some issues that she isn’t telling you about.  There are ways to end things with the ex and not lose her child.  Has she even thought about renting her house and getting her and her ex out and on their own paths?  If she TRULY isn’t involved with this guy and she’s still avoiding moving out and making excuse after excuse, there may be something deeper here that she isn’t telling you.  Is he abusive?  Is he physically threatening?  Maybe she is facing some safety threats.  If you have a talk with her, offer your assistance, and she still declines, it may be time to evaluate whether or not the relationship is worth pursuing any further.  She may be okay with the way things are going.

In either case, you’ve got some evaluating to do and a conversation to have.  Good luck.

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Alex wrote:

I’ve been dating a guy for almost a year now and we just recently have started arguing.  It’s been getting worse and worse and now I discovered he’s been texting his ex girlfriend after every argument.  When I confronted him, he broke down and said he’d only been looking from advice from her, but it appears to me as if he’s looking for pity sex from her.  He was trashing me as much as he could to her.  Do you think he’s cheating?  Is this worth fixing?

Alex

Alex,
Cheating or not, it’s time to move on.  If your boyfriend is trashing you to his ex and apparently looking for pity sex from her, all of the excuses in the world aren’t going to change how your perception of things has changed.  My only question for you is, has he been texting her the whole time or did this just start around the time you started arguing?  It may not even be worth investigating, but it is something to think about.  If it just started, it may be because he is developing feelings for her and is torn between how he feels about you and how he feels about her.  If it’s been going on the whole time, he was never into you.  Either way, it’s time you close the door on this relationship.