double dipper

Anonymous wrote:

I am a 32 year old male who is facing a unique dilemma.  I am dating a woman who lives with her ex…and has a child with him. 

We have been dating for about three months and it’s getting really difficult to make things work.  Her ex is a really possessive and jealous guy and threatens her with court and custody stuff whenever he finds out we’re together.  She says she can’t move out because they have the house together and neither one can afford to make payments on the house plus afford rent somewhere else.  I asked her to move in with me, but she feels her ex would take away her son.  My friends think she’s full of crap and is actually still dating this guy, but she swears she isn’t.  What do I do?  What do you think?

Anynomous
Anonymous,
It sounds as if you are facing one of two issues:

1.  She’s a double dipper.  She’s happy with you but still involved with him.  If your relationship mattered to her, she’d find a way to make things work as well as find a way to work things out with her ex.  He can’t threaten her with anything if she isn’t doing anything wrong.  Has she looked into any legal help?  Something doesn’t smell right here, and it’s not the baby’s diapers.

2.  She is facing some issues that she isn’t telling you about.  There are ways to end things with the ex and not lose her child.  Has she even thought about renting her house and getting her and her ex out and on their own paths?  If she TRULY isn’t involved with this guy and she’s still avoiding moving out and making excuse after excuse, there may be something deeper here that she isn’t telling you.  Is he abusive?  Is he physically threatening?  Maybe she is facing some safety threats.  If you have a talk with her, offer your assistance, and she still declines, it may be time to evaluate whether or not the relationship is worth pursuing any further.  She may be okay with the way things are going.

In either case, you’ve got some evaluating to do and a conversation to have.  Good luck.

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