Dancing with the…stars?

So the new cast of next season’s Dancing With the Stars was named, and I’ve got to say, it’s the least “starry” bunch.  Let’s run through some of the names on the list.

Kyle Massey
Heard of THIS guy?  I sure haven’t.  I guess his claim to fame is that he was once on Disney’s “That’s So Raven” and “Cory in the House” which ended in 2008.  That’s an impressive resume indeed.  How is he considered a “star”?

"I'm the next D-list trainwreck!"

Bristol Palin
Since when does getting pregnant make you a “star”?  When your mom’s a right wing, nutjob, Rosanne Barr look-alike I guess.

Can we call it: "Dirty..Dancing with the Stars?"

Jennifer Grey
How is this fair?  She danced in a movie about dancing!  That’s like having a celebrity bike race and including Lance Armstrong.  I like her though.  “Save Ferris!”

I'll take off my pants and show my little boy parts for an extra $5..

Mike Sorrentino “The Situation”
Being a douchebag paid off for someone.  We can all go to hell now.  Yay!  I can’t stand the Jersey Shore show and hope people do their best to vote this assbag off on the first episode.

Michael Bolton
One of the greatest lines in modern movie history comes from the movie Office Space when the character named Michael Bolton (after getting made fun of for having a name like the singer Michael Bolton) gets asked why he didn’t change his name.  His response?  “Why should I change?  He’s the one who sucks!”   And scene…

Brandy
I admit, I had a big crush on this girl back in the 90’s.  Then the 2000’s came and she and her brother Ray J started their reality show crapfest and I lost all respect.  If you haven’t seen the show, it’s basically where Brandy and her brother throw money at each other and do ultra extravagant things to prove that they love each other.  Laaaaame.  Let’s hope she can dance.

David Hasselhoff
Fresh from America’s Got Talent comes David Hasselhoff.  I like this guy because he’s like a B-version of William Shatner.  Sure, he’s had his share of issues in the past, but there is something funny about a guy who thinks his singing a song in Germany helped spur the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.

Margaret Cho
I love this woman.  She’s always had good (but tiny) roles in movies, and her writing efforts have been spectacular.  Her comedy isn’t half bad either.  Can she dance?  I doubt it…but it’ll be funny to watch.

So there’s a snapshot of a few of the contestants of DWTS next season.  Excited?  I’m not.  Olivia loves it though, so I’ll probably end up catching a few episodes.  I’d love to see them mix it up a bit for the 2011 season and include random people like a farmer or mechanic but make the audience think they’re famous.  Then watch the 30 year old midwestern farmer try to learn how to dance.  That’s entertainment.

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Down in a hole

Jan_2010-6075 - The one with the hole
Hey, I can see China from here...

Carly wrote:

Sean, I think I just got played.  I was dating this guy for four months and we ended up falling head over heels for each other.  We became intimate after three and a half months and things ended up getting weird the other night on the phone, he basically ended things in a confusing way.  He first asked me if I’d be mad if he asked for time to work on himself.  I said I wouldn’t be mad.  He THEN said he’d been having issues letting go of his ex and that he didn’t know if he could date someone right now.  He said he wanted me to wait for him, then 5 minutes later said I shouldn’t.  I was hurt and couldn’t figure out why he was being the way he was.  I got off of the phone and he’d already deleted me from his Facebook.  Was he just using me for sex? How can you tell someone you love them and two weeks later just change your mind?

Carly
Carly,

Chances are he may have been using you for sex..or he didn’t like the sex that happened..BUT if he was a slightly more decent guy than that (you didn’t give me much to go off of), it may just be that he’s got legitimate issues with getting over his ex and didn’t want to drag you into things.  It’s crappy, yes, but it happens.  People are sometimes in such a hurry to be with someone that they don’t take the time to fix themselves after a painful breakup.  It’s like trying to paint a hole in the wall.  If you don’t patch it, you’re just dumping paint into a hole in a wall.  He’s got some attachment issues that he’s feeling the need to fix.  He asked you to not wait, so don’t.  Fix yourself, then move on.

Sean

Show and tell.

Romance Stories of True Love No 50 Harvey, 1958 SA
Chicks dig guys in figure skates.

Susan wrote:

Sean,  I like how passionate you seem about life in general.  You don’t come right out and say it, but I can see that every day for you is one that is treasured in one way or another.  I like that.  I have a question for you though.  How can I get my boyfriend to be more romantic?  I do little things for him to show him I care and I think of him before I think of my needs, but when it comes to romance, he just falls flat.  Even sexually, I’m always the one doing things for him and he never takes initiative to reciprocate.  We’ve talked about it and he just says he’s “not a romantic guy”.  I am not looking for gifts, extravagant gestures or things like that.  I just want to feel valued.

Susan

Susan

Maybe he doesn’t know that you idea of romance is more just the feeling of value than it is romantic gestures.  I have to say, I like that you do the little things to show you care, though I’d wonder why your boyfriend doesn’t feel the need to show you he values you in the relationship.  For some people, just being with them seems to be their idea of a reward.  I don’t agree.

It’s not about money, gifts, or sex.  It’s about showing someone how you feel and expressing it verbally.  Remember when you were in elementary school and you got to bring in a toy and tell the class why it was so important to you?  That’s how relationships work too, except you get to show the person you’re with how important they are and tell them why it you feel that way.  It’s show and tell.  If he isn’t doing that and you that is one of your needs, have a talk with him and let him know your needs aren’t being met.  If he truly values you in the relationship, he’ll work with you to make things right.

Sean

Once twice three times a lady.

A bride tossing her bouquet of flowers. Catego...
Here ladies! Catch my guilt!

Queenie from NY wrote:

I have been reading your blog since last summer and I have to say, I look forward to each and every post.  You are a genius.  That said, I am hoping you can spread a little genius on my issue.  I’ve had a “BFF” for about 8 years now and she is engaged to marry a guy she’s been dating for 3 years.  She tells me often how much she loves him and how she couldn’t live without him.  Yet, she is also secretly dating another man (an ex from about 3 years ago that she just can’t let go of) whenever she’s not with her fiance.  She says she doesn’t love “GUY B” but doesn’t want to be without him either, so they write romantic texts to each other and have sex.  They even take mini vacations together.

Here I am stuck in the middle of getting her ready for her wedding with the first guy while she is also fooling around with GUY B.   She would like to keep them both, and that she knows it’s wrong, but she doesn’t want to hurt either one and can’t stop herself.  What do I do?  Whenever I tell her something, she gets mad and won’t even talk about it.  When I tell her that I can’t be a part of things, she says I am abandoning her in her time of need and that that makes me a bad friend.  I’d hate to throw away 8 years for nothing.

Queenie

Queenie,

Throw away those 8 years, but realize it’s not for nothing. Your friend is using all three of you.  She is using her fiance for marriage and commitment, she is using GUY B for sex and vacations and she is using you as a way to manage HER drama.  Whether she approves of it or not you have every right to judge your “friend” for what she’s doing and let her know that what she is doing is wrong.  Maybe it isn’t wrong from her perspective but would the guys she is cheating on approve?  I think not.

Don’t be a part of this wedding.  This can only end badly and it’d be better to keep your dignity and know you did the right thing than be a part of something like this.  If that means ending a friendship with someone who is supposed to be a BFF, then that’s got to happen.  A friend doesn’t ask you do things like this.  I friend would do what YOU’RE doing and stick up for what is right.

Sean

Old balls.

Katerina wrote:

I am 34 and am not lucky in finding the man I am looking for.  I seem to attract men in the late 20s and early 30s but I am seeking a man in his 40s.  I do not want children and would like to find a man that is handsome (I am picky), can provide for me financially (I have expensive tastes), and will treat me like a queen.  I seem to attract the opposite:  men that have children, that I would not be attracted to, and that make less than $100,000 a year.  What is the problem with older men?  Why do they not want a young and attractive mate?

Katerina

Katerina,

I don’t think it’s the men.  Men usually jump at the chance to date or marry someone they are attracted to.  My guess here is that the problem is you.  If you’re coming off as someone who is looking for money or someone who doesn’t marry for love, you won’t find many people willing to date you..let alone marry you.

If you describe yourself to guys like you did to me, I can see where they’d be turned off.  “Picky with expensive tastes” isn’t the best selling point you have.  What about your personality?  Your wit or charm?  Can you hold a conversation, or are you really romantic?  If you’re looking for a man in his 40s, there are very few that want an emotionless relationship in which they’ll have to fork out a bunch of money just to keep you.  That isn’t dating, it’s plain prostitution.

I am not saying you should change, but you should learn.  Learn more about what the men you’re looking for are after and see if those things are qualities you possess.  If those qualities exist within you, it may be a matter of showing them.  If not, it’ll be a long shot to find exactly what you’re looking for and you may need to learn a new trait-the ability to compromise.

Sean

Dangerous liasons

Christy wrote:

I was dating “Dan” for 2 years and was emotionally and finally physically abused over the course of the 2 years.  About 5 months ago, I broke things off after he became physically abusive and hit me.  Before then, he’d just shoved me a few times and thrown me on the bed a few times, but when he hit me, I’d had enough.  I left him.  He also lied to me and cheated on me twice, so let’s just say I felt free for the first time in years.

The problem is that he and I work in buildings right next to each other and have most of the same friends.  I ignored him at first, and he ignored me, but then he started asking to talk with me.  I did my best to tell him no, but eventually I broke down after he’d been calling for weeks.  When I talked to him, he told me how sorry he was that he’d hurt me and said that if I gave him another chance, he’d make sure nothing bad would ever happen again.  He then started crying and told me he couldn’t live without me.  He said the times he cheated meant nothing to him and that when he hit me it was because he lost control and that it’d never happen again.

The other problem is that I’ve started seeing someone else and I want to move on, but Dan keeps calling me and wanting to talk.  It’s wrecking things with “Jesse” my new guy and I don’t know what to do.  Should I go back to Dan?  Should I stay with Jesse?  I just don’t want to hurt anyone.

Christy

Christy,

You don’t want to hurt anyone?  Stop thinking like that.  There is no easy way out of an abusive relationship (and, yes, that’s what you’ve gotten into..) and you’re going to have to hurt someone to get out.  Dan is a dick, plain and simple.  From what you said, he had been physically abusive long before hitting you.  Shoving you and throwing you on the bed is abuse.  He doesn’t have to hit you to physically abuse you.

You also stated that he’d cheated on you twice and lied to you.  How do you know he isn’t lying about things being different “this time”?  Statistics show that going back into an abusive relationship typically makes the relationship worse.  It may be shiny and new when you get back, but it won’t last long.  He’ll be treating you the same way as before, or maybe even worse.  Don’t put yourself in harms way again.  Do whatever you have to do to get away from Dan.  Change your number, file a restraining order, move, let your building security know (if he’s been coming to your place of work), and force him to disappear from your life.  If you don’t, you may be in danger.

Don’t ruin things with Jesse if he’s a good guy.  If he cares, he’ll be patient and understanding.  Hopefully you’ll get to experience how a good relationship works.

Sean

Hey Buddy.

Angela,

I am 27 and have had a “FWB” for the last year.  He told me early on that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, so we just kept things casual but have been sexual for a year now.  Lately, he’s been wanting to go on dates and has been upset when I’ve made plans on nights he usually had free.

Should we have the talk again?  Does this mean he wants a relationship with me?  I am confused.  He told me he wanted to keep things casual, but it seems to be leaning the other way.

Angela

Angela,

Friends With Benefits (FWB’s) are never a good thing.  No matter how great the idea is, it always melts down somewhere.  It’s often the guy who decides they STILL don’t want a relationship, but they don’t want to lose the attention of the woman they’ve been FWB’s with.  Other times, someone develops serious feelings for the other person and complicates things beyond all control.  I hope you and all of the readers realize that doing the FWB thing is a bad idea.  It always is.  ALWAYS.

Have the talk again.  Either be in a relationship, see each other, or be friends.  Keep in mind that most guys don’t see the woman they do FWB things with as relationship material, so they just fulfill their needs and have no problem not fulfilling yours (emotionally or physically).  Don’t make a casual thing out of sex…it’s already casual enough. FWB mentality turns sex into the Walmart of intimacy.  It’s all over, it’s dirty, and many people go there but only a few like it.  Gross.