Code violation

Lan wrote:

Sean, are you familiar with girl code?  We have one basic rule:  Don’t date a guy your friends or sisters have dated.  I follow this code and yet, my former roommates say they haven’t ever heard of anything like that.  They have both dated different exes of mine after I broke up with them and it’s caused such issues that I have ended friendships with them both.  Don’t guys follow the same rule?  Is it common respect?  Please help me understand, I can’t believe I’d be the only one following this principle.

Lan

Lan,

You aren’t the only one following this, but you ARE in the minority of those that still follow this aging girl code.  Guys don’t follow it.  The basic guy rule is for every year your guy friend dated a girl, you have to wait six months to ask her out.  It’s “breakup cushioning” so to speak.  We don’t have a “no date, period” rule because it’s counter productive.  Additionally, we go into a relationship wanting someone to be happy..if we can’t make them happy and they eventually find someone who can, why should it matter if it’s with our friend or a stranger?

I think other people have started to observe the “breakup cushioning” rule rather than the lockout rule simply because we’ve learned that relationship breakups can be productive and we can keep great friends with no emotional attachment as a result (if we allow time to detach from that person).  We know our friends, we know our exes.  If they aren’t a good fit, we’re still able to help both sides.  You threw away some potentially good friendships with both sides.  Remember, you broke up with them.  Maybe it’s time to figure out why you were so bothered by someone dating someone you didn’t want to date.

Sean

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