Dancing with the…stars?

So the new cast of next season’s Dancing With the Stars was named, and I’ve got to say, it’s the least “starry” bunch.  Let’s run through some of the names on the list.

Kyle Massey
Heard of THIS guy?  I sure haven’t.  I guess his claim to fame is that he was once on Disney’s “That’s So Raven” and “Cory in the House” which ended in 2008.  That’s an impressive resume indeed.  How is he considered a “star”?

"I'm the next D-list trainwreck!"

Bristol Palin
Since when does getting pregnant make you a “star”?  When your mom’s a right wing, nutjob, Rosanne Barr look-alike I guess.

Can we call it: "Dirty..Dancing with the Stars?"

Jennifer Grey
How is this fair?  She danced in a movie about dancing!  That’s like having a celebrity bike race and including Lance Armstrong.  I like her though.  “Save Ferris!”

I'll take off my pants and show my little boy parts for an extra $5..

Mike Sorrentino “The Situation”
Being a douchebag paid off for someone.  We can all go to hell now.  Yay!  I can’t stand the Jersey Shore show and hope people do their best to vote this assbag off on the first episode.

Michael Bolton
One of the greatest lines in modern movie history comes from the movie Office Space when the character named Michael Bolton (after getting made fun of for having a name like the singer Michael Bolton) gets asked why he didn’t change his name.  His response?  “Why should I change?  He’s the one who sucks!”   And scene…

I admit, I had a big crush on this girl back in the 90’s.  Then the 2000’s came and she and her brother Ray J started their reality show crapfest and I lost all respect.  If you haven’t seen the show, it’s basically where Brandy and her brother throw money at each other and do ultra extravagant things to prove that they love each other.  Laaaaame.  Let’s hope she can dance.

David Hasselhoff
Fresh from America’s Got Talent comes David Hasselhoff.  I like this guy because he’s like a B-version of William Shatner.  Sure, he’s had his share of issues in the past, but there is something funny about a guy who thinks his singing a song in Germany helped spur the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.

Margaret Cho
I love this woman.  She’s always had good (but tiny) roles in movies, and her writing efforts have been spectacular.  Her comedy isn’t half bad either.  Can she dance?  I doubt it…but it’ll be funny to watch.

So there’s a snapshot of a few of the contestants of DWTS next season.  Excited?  I’m not.  Olivia loves it though, so I’ll probably end up catching a few episodes.  I’d love to see them mix it up a bit for the 2011 season and include random people like a farmer or mechanic but make the audience think they’re famous.  Then watch the 30 year old midwestern farmer try to learn how to dance.  That’s entertainment.


One comment

  1. m&i · August 31, 2010

    WILLIAM SHATNER is the B-version of William Shatner. He makes fun of himself. The Hoff actually believes his own self-declared awesomeness. MAYBE a D-version. “I’m awesome.” – The Hoff. See? It’s a quote, so you know it’s true.

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