I am writing into an advice blog..I thought I’d never see the day. Anyway, I like YOURS, so I am hoping you can help. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost 5 months (and someone that I loved more than anything), walked out on me. He just up and left while I was at work. We had our first major disagreement the night before (about something idiotic) and when I came home from work the next day, he’d moved everything out and left a note that said said he was sick of my dramatic mood swings and that he couldn’t love me the way I needed to be loved. He also wrote that he felt he didn’t ever really know the real me because he had just built this idea of who HE thought I was in his head, so he had no other option than to leave, but was too hurt to say it to my face.
I admit, I am a woman who wears my emotion on the outside and I am not always the best at expressing anger or frustration (I get mad alot) in constructive ways, but I never directed it at him. I called him the other day after almost two weeks of crying about things and asked to see him. I can understand if he feels like I am too negative for his life, but I don’t know how I am supposed to live without him. When we talked, he seemed like he was trying to move on with his own life and that my feelings didn’t matter to him anymore. It all seemed so sudden. What do I do? I feel like he’s throwing a relationship away because he wasn’t strong enough to talk about it when we were together.
It wasn’t sudden. Chances are he has tried to express frustration or disillusionment with your relationship on several occasions but you may have been caught up in whatever drama was plaguing you to realize it. You’re then essentially turning things around him and blaming him for leaving even though you admitted you had somehow expressed anger and frustration (even though it wasn’t directed at him) quite often. I am sure if you think back on things, you’ll see the places that he was trying to express his frustration with your dramatic expressions. You said your major disagreement was over something “idiotic”…was it?..or was it “idiotic” to you and “important” to him?
He may also be moving on just as it may “seem” he is. He doesn’t want to be mean about things, he just wants to get past things without dragging the breakup out. Yes, it was cowardly to not say goodbye in person, but let him go. You need to move on yourself. Don’t even attempt to fix things here, just move on and fix yourself. Learn to handle stress better and to constructively express your emotions. The next guy will be thankful you did.