Running away?

Red flag
Image by The Hidaway (Simon) via Flickr

Ari wrote:


I broke up with my fiancee almost a year ago and started dating someone (her’s name’s Tracy oddly enough) about 3 months ago.  After my breakup, much like you, I started devotiing myself to improving my fitness both physically and mentally, so needless to say I’ve spent 4-5 nights a week at the gym for a few hours.  Here’s the issue..Tracy feels that this is a problem because she works opposite hours some nights which means we only see each other for one night a week on some weeks.  I am frustrated because she’s really trying to get in the way of my progress, but I like her and don’t want things to end.  I don’t mind only seeing her one night a week, but that isn’t good enough for her because she feels that in order to move things further, we’ll need to spend more time together on a regular basis.

How do I explain that I am not going to change my health for her without pissing her off?

I like treadmill running.  It gets your heart pumping, you get a good sweat, and if your legs ache the next morning, you have a perfectly good reason why they do.  I don’t like your kind of running.  You’re running away from something Ari and I think it’s because you’re scared of investing too much emotion in someone new.  Gym time is gym time, but if you were REALLY interested in establishing a deeper relationship with this woman, you’d find ways to compromise, like maybe going on the nights she works, or going after she heads to work.  Changing the routine isn’t going to put your health in any jeopardy, you’ve just been lying to yourself about it for so long that you started believing it..  Your refusal to make any sort of compromise with her wanting more time with you is a giant red flag in my book that you’re still having issues with the idea of being in a relationship again.   I think you need to do some soul searching Ari, and decide if being in a relationship is something you can handle right now, because what you have with Tracy obviously isn’t working for her.