O face

"Censored" rubber stamp
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Elisa wrote:

I think my boyfriend is obsessed with porn.  He has tubs and tubs of magazines and DVDs that I just found while we were moving in together, and it’s kind of freaking me out.  What do I do?

Elisa

Elisa,

Confront him.  Porn obsession isn’t healthy and can actually signify a deeper psychological issue than just a need to clean the pipes, so to speak.  I am not saying porn is bad, but I am saying too much of it, like anything in life, is bad.  He could be a sex addict or even have other issues that may need addressing.  Just sit him down and let him know what you found and why YOU feel it’s a problem.  Ask him to be open with you and see if it is a larger issue or if it’s just a bunch of crap he’s managed to collect over the years.  If it’s the latter, just have a big bonfire or give the trash guys a big bonus.

Sean

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Hate the game.

Poker Chips
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Tilly wrote:

Sean,

I think I was played by a guy I was seeing for awhile now but I need to see if you agree.  I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months.  We go out, we sleep together, and we do “relationship things”, but he still talks to his “ex” every night (she’s in China for two years).  I was friends with both of them when she was here and when she left, this guy said they broke up and that he wanted to move on.  I’d always found him attractive, so I gave in and went for it.  Now I look at his FB and it says he’s single on his FB page.  Am I crazy or is he playing me and using me for sex?

Tilly

Tilly,

You played yourself.  No one played you.  You appear to have been SO attracted to the possibility of something happening with this guy that when his GF took off for China, you gave in to the first opportunity you were offered to jump this guy’s bones.  Now, you’re realizing that he is most likely a scumbag…don’t kid yourself..if he’s talking to his “ex” every night, it’s not his ex.  They didn’t break up, she’s just away and he is looking to fill his void..or yours.  Anyway, get out of this.  Tell your female friend what’s up too.  It may end your friendship, but wouldn’t you rather have her know than just have awkwardness and have this douchebag of a guy keep cheating on her?

Sean

Rugs and how to pull them..

Rugs on sale in Erode, India.
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Gene wrote:

Sean,

A am a 44 year old male who, after dating a woman for 8 months, asked her to marry me and she said yes.  We bought a house together and started working on the wedding plans, until one day when I caught her messaging another man who she ended up confessing she’d been seeing on and off for 2 years.  I told her I needed some time to think and I stayed at a friend’s for two weeks, but when I returned, she had already sold the house to a friend and had moved in with the guy she had basically been cheating on me with.

I don’t get it.  Everything seemed perfect yet, I can’t help but wonder if I missed some signs along the way.  Was I just blind or was her decision to leave me something she’d just been really good at hiding?

Gene

Gene,
We don’t always see what we need to see.  If we did, car accidents would be non-existent and we’d always catch cancer early.  The rug was pulled out from under your feet in this case, and while there may have been signs pointing to the eventual outcome, you didn’t see them.  It’s not going to help wondering about the “whys” or “what ifs” at this point.  She’s deceitful and cold hearted.  You deserve better than you had and you’ll find it.  You just need to get back on your feet and figure out how to move on.

Sean