Raising two children

This photo of a rural child was photographed b...

Can't find the nose so I am going in the long way..

Helen wrote:

I read your “Homeward” post and I felt the need to write in.  I have a similar situation.  My baby’s father and I split up just after he was born (the baby was born, not the father..haha), and he has always been there, but he’s SO childish.  It’s like raising two children.

He gets mad about stupid things, he isn’t good at watching our son alone, he isn’t reliable for support, he can’t take care of himself, and he gets extremely jealous with new people I date.  We’ve been broken up for three years and he still gets possessive.

I can’t keep raising two children, so how do I show him that he’s being an idiot?

Helen

 

Helen,

Idiots are sometimes too ignorant to recognize their own issues.  It sounds like you picked a real winner here Helen, and he’s obviously causing more stress than you want in your life.  However, he is an active father who also seems to just need a kick in the pants to cause him to start thinking like an adult.

You didn’t mention any drug/gang/safety issues with his life, so I am assuming he’s not into that crap.  That’s a good start.  If he’s young, or just an irresponsible father, it may just be that he needs to wake up and realize that he’s a grown up now and has a child to look after.  Being a parent means giving up some things like constant partying, irresponsible behaviors, short tempers, etc., and realizing that everything you do your child sees as an example.

My daughter has started to think at a pretty high social level these days.  She recognizes her actions not only affect herself, but those around her.  When I question her attitudes or motives she is more or less forced to think outside of herself to resolve the issue.  I’m teaching her to think like this at an early age to avoid the issues I had in my late teens or early 20’s.  I feel parents have a responsibility to raise their children to be better than they were growing up.  They shouldn’t be friends, they should be parents.

Have a talk with him and explain things calmly.  He may get mad, but if you explain this enough, he’ll get the hint that maybe it’s time he steps up and becomes a father in all aspects of his life.  His son is depending on it.

Sean

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