Fears

Fear Nothing (novel)

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Flora wrote:

So I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months and we’ve had great chemistry until recently, when he suddenly said one night (while talking about making things official) that he wanted things to cool down between us.  He stated he felt too emotionally invested and felt it wasn’t fair to me because (he then started listing the cliched reasons like he didn’t have much time, he needed to find himself, he felt like he was losing himself, and he needed to concentrate on himself) of a bunch of things.  I didn’t believe it for one bit and after a brief argument, he finally said he was afraid of commitment.

A fear of commitment?  Is that even really real?  He was committed enough to sleep with me, committed enough to introduce me to his family, committed enough to say he loved me, but NOW he’s afraid to commit enough to have a relationship?  It’s weird to me when people say this because they usually run out and start dating the next person they see.  Do you believe there is a fear of commitment?

Flora

 

Flora,

I see your point, and after quite a bit of thinking about this, I feel that “fear of commitment” is a load of fresh BS.  Fear of committing to someone seems to me to be more a fear of opening yourself up or lowering your defenses.  It may also be a pass off because they don’t like you like they thought they did.  You caused me to really evaluate that statement Flora, and though I do feel you were somehow duped into giving this guy everything he wanted and all he did was run away, you actually influenced my outlook on these types of situations.  Great job there.

You got screwed over, chemistry or not.  He just wasn’t into you.  My only hope is that people eventually learn to be absolutely honest when starting relationships.  If you’re not looking for anything serious, explain it.  If you’re seeing someone and aren’t into them anymore, explain it exactly as that.  Don’t make up petty excuses…and Flora, you demand nothing less than honesty.  Move on.

Sean

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