Better Judgement

Courtroom One Gavel

HMc wrote:

So.. this is somewhat of a situation that I already know the answer to, but I’d still like an unbiased opinion, if you will. I’ve known this guy for about a year now. Neither one of us pressures the other for anything. We just kind of click. The first time we hung out, I swear it was like we’d known each other for years.  Then, I come to find out, our lives actually overlapped in a lot of places we were unaware of, with college, our backgrounds, and even a few of the people we know. We laugh because it’s so easy for us to just talk when we’re together. I’m not much of a phone person, so I can’t say we really communicate much unless we are seeing each other face to face. I’m currently not living near him, so it’s not exactly a situation that would work “dating wise”.

I’ll admit that in the beginning this was all a game to me. I wanted to see if I could get and keep his attention. And I have. Kind of. I guess. He’s really inconsistent. And honestly, so am I. And I am fairly certain he has more than his share of women to keep him warm at night. So a few months ago, I just decided that I was going to delete him as my friend on facebook and remove his number from my phone. I did all of that. Then last month he sent me a message on facebook, said he ran into a mutual friend. He wanted me to have his new number, said he wanted to get back in touch with me. I didn’t respond. He sent another message asking if I got the first one, and gave me his number again. So I caved and I texted him. He told me how much he missed my goofy self. Because let’s face it, I’m goofy and proud of it. : ) So we made plans to hang out one day. Play hooky together. I drove to meet with him. We hung out for an afternoon, he made me lunch, we talked about football, and whatever came up on the tv. When I left he asked if I was glad I came. I, being silly, said “Uh, yeah, actually I am. The food was good”. He laughed and made me promise I’d see him again soon. Fast forward to a few days, I usually don’t text a person that soon again. I kind of like people to come to me in situations like this, but we had just been talking about he movie “Up” and we happened to be watching it where I was, so I texted him with one of his favorite one-liners from the movie. No response. The following day I met a girl that knew him through one of his best friends. It was random, so I texted him to tell him and I playfully said “could you please tell your world to stop colliding with mine. Lol”. No response. Normally, I would think nothing of his late responses. He’s good at that. But then I realized that, I care now. Because when I’m with him, it’s so comfortable that I think I finally actually do want it to go farther. Even though we don’t live near each other right now. And even though I have pretty big commitment issues and fears. My question is, how do I go about telling him that. And do I even bother? I mean, am I missing a pretty big red flag here saying he doesn’t really care? Do I go up to bat when I’m pretty sure that I’ll strike out? You always give such good advice, I figured maybe you could help me out!



This relationship seems like you’re settling.  You’re finding what’s comfortable and just sticking with it.  He doesn’t seem that interested, and the fact that you weren’t that interested (it was a game for you) in the beginning also says that you may subconsciously fooling yourself into thinking there is staying power with this relationship, when in all reality there isn’t.  You said he has his fair share of women to keep him warm at night.  This doesn’t sound like anyone interested in “long term”, and if that’s what you’re looking for, you’re only setting yourself up for failure.

The truth is, when guys know what they want, they go for it.  If they aren’t interested, they shy away.  Guys are fact, sometimes TOO simple.  He seems to want you around when it works for him, and he isn’t making any extra effort to make things work with you which tells me there is a good chance that you’re just another person keeping him warm at night.  Maybe you DO care now, but will you care long term?  Will he?  You can take your chances, but I my warning to you is to not set your sights too high with this one..and if you’re settling, don’t you feel you deserve more?  Someone who CAN see a long term situation with you and who is caring for you the way you care for him?