Black Box

demo's black box

Tamara wrote:

Sean,

I’ve been dating a wonderful man for a year now and we have recently moved in together.  Everything was going fine until we were unpacking and I discovered a black metal lockbox among his things.  I jokingly asked what it was and he exploded and got very upset that I may have tried to open his box which I didn’t.  I instantly became defensive and suspicious because of how he was acting, but he feels I overreacted.  He feels I overreacted?  HE overreacted and is being very secretive.  He said it’s normal to keep some secrets, but I feel that relationships should not have secrets.  This is tearing us apart.  What do you think?

Tamara

 

Tamara,

I have a feeling I am missing some info here, but it may be either minor or major details, so I don’t really know what else to ask for.  Have you two had trust issues in the past?  Did you ask him what was in the box? Did he explain?

I think he did overreact (based upon the info above), and I think you’re right in believing that a relationship should hold no secrets.  As I’ve stated before, your partner doesn’t need to know about little details like the size of your most recent bowel movement, but the bigger things shouldn’t ever be kept as secrets.

If he can’t be open with you about his past, or whatever is in that black box, imagine how secretive he’d be if something bigger happened.  Secrets can often times destroy a relationship and the only way to have a productive and happy relationship is to be open and honest at all times.  One of the toughest things we can go through is stand up and face something that scares us.  If being honest and open about something big scares you, stand up and face it.  You’ll only benefit from your actions.

 

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