Need to know basis

Exploded piechart of Hepatitis C infection by ...

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Amanda wrote:

Sean,

I am a 41 year old female that just read your post on death and I was so moved that I felt the need to write in.  Nice blog by the way.

I met Jason 11 years ago when we were on two seperate vacations in Vegas.  We were both with our own friends and it seemed to be pure fate that we found each other among the masses in Vegas of all places.  To top it off, we discovered that we only lived about 3 miles from each other.

Jason and I didn’t “hook-up”, we waited until we were back home for that.  After a few dates, it was magic.  We started being “official” after about 6 months and moved in together.  6 months after that, we were married.  It was a wonderful whirlwind.  Fast forward to our second year.  Jason and I were passionately in love and now that we were married, we started trying for a baby.  That’s when Jason got sick.  It turns out he’d had hepatitis C (he got it from a past girlfriend) and felt I “didn’t need to know” because if we were going to be together, it didn’t matter.  I got tested.  I now had Hep C as well.

I HATED him for doing this.  As you said, we’re all here with an expiration date, but he’d managed to move mine up by giving me Hepatitis C.  I hated him so much I moved out and immediately filed for divorce.  He didn’t even put up a fight.  The divorce papers came back with a letter from him explaining how sorry he was for not telling me but he explained he didn’t want to live without me.  I divorced him anyway.

After the divorce, I went to confront him and could instantly tell he was getting sicker.  It was almost as if his body had given up fighting since he had nothing to live for any longer.  He and I talked for an entire weekend, and I never left.  I moved back in, I remarried him, and I’ve been here ever since.  He is a good man.  He made a mistake and while I know it’s a mistake that will ultimately cost me my life, it was still a mistake.  We didn’t have kids by the way, so it was just he and I, taking on our challenges and living our lives.

He died two years ago.  I will probably die this year, or in the next year or two.  I am happy I get to go be with him again.

I’m not asking for advice.  I’m not trying to drum up support for a cure, and I’m not playing a pity card in hope of financial support.  I’m fine.  I lived a life of love.  If I could have one favor though, I’d appreciate it.  Please tell your readers that honesty is important.  While I was able to forgive Jason for what he did, it doesn’t make WHAT he did the right thing.  “Need to know” shouldn’t apply in a relationship.  Keeping something from someone is the same as lying in my book, and you don’t fill a life of love with lies.  Honesty is the only way.

Keep up the good work Sean.

Amanda

 

Amanda,

Wow, thanks for writing.  I am sorry for your situation, but it is an incredible letter you wrote.  I hope your life is celebrated by many.  I think you are absolutely correct in stating that there should be no “need to know” in a relationship.  Open communication and honesty will always be the path to a good, healthy relationship.  Sometimes things are hard to talk about and it may mean facing up to something or someone you’d rather just keep hidden from, but that’s a part of life.  We all face something bigger than us at some point…it’s whether we choose to stand or choose to hide at that point that makes us who we are.  I’d like to know I faced a challenge head on rather than choosing to cower away in fear.  The fear we have in those situations is only a fear of the unknown.

Again, thank you for writing.

Sean

 

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