Timing is everything

US Navy 100501-N-0209M-008 Logistics Specialis...

"No, I am really busy. No, I am not seeing other people.. *sigh* Yes, I care about you.. I've gotta go, my microphone is dying..."

GM1234 wrote:

(Post this on your blog or not, but you always give great advice so I wanted to hear you opinion on this.)

I have been dating someone for 1 1/2 months, and we have a great time together and a lot in common. He is an extremely busy guy with work (as am I with school), so we see each other once a week or so. We have not had the DTR (define the relationship) talk. In your opinion, At what point is it acceptable to be brought up, and who should do that? Also, how often do you think it’s “normal” to talk (communicate, as in texts or phone calls) to someone when dating for that amount of time? Thanks!


There isn’t a set time in which to have the DTR talk.  Personally, I always like to say “go for it when things feel right, but if it hits six months, you may as well move on.”  As far as who should do it, either person should do it.  It’s not a guy’s job or girl’s job to bring this up.  If it’s on your mind, talk about it.  It’s conversation, and there is never anything wrong with wanting clarity.

You also asked about how much communication you should be expecting since you’ve been seeing each other for 1.5 months.  I’d say anything less than every other day (by text OR call) is unacceptable.  If you like someone, you show it.  If you’re busy, you make time.  It’s just respectable.  I’ve been guilty of being busy in the past too and not being as communicative as I should have been, but it’s just putting other priorities in front of the person you may be interested in.  In those cases, it’s often times best to just move on rather than drag things out and frustrate the other person.  Of course, there is also the chance that he may be seeing other people and using the “busy” excuse as a buffer too, so it’d be better to have that DTR talk sooner than later.  If he doesn’t want what you want, don’t settle.  You deserve to have your needs met too.

Hope this helps.