Buy-Buy-Buy

Realty World
Image by Beedle Um Bum via Flickr

Juan wrote:

Sean,

My fiancee has a shopping problem.  She can’t go a day without buying something.  She constantly wants to buy clothing, shoes, handbags, trinkets, jewelry, happy hours with her girls, and other items.  If it’s not making an excuse to shop in a store, she buys something online.  We were making plans to buy a home in June, but so far she’s only contributed under $100 to the fund.  How do I tell her that I can’t afford to keep paying for our dreams when she’s paying for a bunch of other things that have nothing to do with our dream?

Juan

 

Juan,

This is a sticky spot to be in.  If you ask her to stop spending, she’ll accuse you of being too strict and may accuse you of ruining her enjoyment.  If you don’t do anything, you’ll run the risk of having no savings for that home.  Damned if you do..damned if you don’t.  I say be damned if you do.  Your girlfriend seems to have a shopping problem.  Whether it’s being used as a stress reliever, an anti-depressant, or creative outlet, it’s still unnecessary spending.  If you have both set a goal of buying and keeping a home, maybe she doesn’t realize just how expensive it will be.  Trust me on this one, it’s WAY more than you think.  It’s better to save what you can and have a surplus of savings than it is to inch by, living off of each paycheck.  Maybe she doesn’t see the repercussions of her actions.

Sit her down and tell her that you’d appreciate more financial support from her in the pursuit of the goal the two of you have.  Ask her to start contributing more to the savings for the home and ask her to cut back on the unnecessary spending.  She may try to justify it by saying something like, “Well I really need this pair of black shoes,” but if your fiancee is like some women I know, she has a million black pairs of shoes and while this one may be different, it doesn’t mean she NEEDS it.  Try to make her understand that a deal isn’t a deal if you don’t need it.  I don’t care if it’s 75% off, if it isn’t a NECESSITY, it isn’t a deal.  If that doesn’t work, try asking her to get a second job to keep up her end of the bargain and explain to her that a relationship means equal contribution to the goals you two may have.

Hopefully, she can put aside the needless spending and focus on building something solid for the two of you to share.

Sean

 

 

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Slacker

Tera wrote:

Do all guys have trouble entering adulthood?  My friend “John” is a total loser at life.  He jumps from job to job, hasn’t ever had a full time job in his life.  He’s only lived with people and has never had his own place, is always out of money, rarely bathes, drinks alot, doesn’t dress well, and has no ambition to finish his education or to progress his life in the future.  He simply exists.  He says he’s happy (but he also says he would like to find someone to settle down with and is having a hard time), but I see him scrounging for money and all I can do is wonder how happy he really is.  Why do guys do this?

Tera

Tarah

It isn’t just guys.  For some reason, there is a growing number of 20 to 30-somethings that are simply “existing”.  Is it wrong?  Only if they’re pulling resources from the government and not working to repay that assistance.  Males and females alike are choosing to bypass getting any education and try their luck at getting somewhere in life.  In today’s world, that is no longer a reality.  It’s kind of like being a vegan.  I’d like to see one person that is a true vegan.  It simply is no longer a reality.  You may get close, just as those people “existing” may get close to getting somewhat close to their dreams, but it just won’t ever happen 100%.  You can’t realistically just exist with no ambition and hope that something good will happen in your life.  Wish on as many stars as you like, but it won’t become reality.

Try to explain to your friend that in today’s world, there are three things that everyone should have:  An education, ambition, and motivation.  He doesn’t have it and many people don’t have it (or they have them but don’t use them).  Without these three traits, it’ll become increasingly harder to find happiness..let alone someone to share it with.

Sean