Realty World

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Juan wrote:


My fiancee has a shopping problem.  She can’t go a day without buying something.  She constantly wants to buy clothing, shoes, handbags, trinkets, jewelry, happy hours with her girls, and other items.  If it’s not making an excuse to shop in a store, she buys something online.  We were making plans to buy a home in June, but so far she’s only contributed under $100 to the fund.  How do I tell her that I can’t afford to keep paying for our dreams when she’s paying for a bunch of other things that have nothing to do with our dream?




This is a sticky spot to be in.  If you ask her to stop spending, she’ll accuse you of being too strict and may accuse you of ruining her enjoyment.  If you don’t do anything, you’ll run the risk of having no savings for that home.  Damned if you do..damned if you don’t.  I say be damned if you do.  Your girlfriend seems to have a shopping problem.  Whether it’s being used as a stress reliever, an anti-depressant, or creative outlet, it’s still unnecessary spending.  If you have both set a goal of buying and keeping a home, maybe she doesn’t realize just how expensive it will be.  Trust me on this one, it’s WAY more than you think.  It’s better to save what you can and have a surplus of savings than it is to inch by, living off of each paycheck.  Maybe she doesn’t see the repercussions of her actions.

Sit her down and tell her that you’d appreciate more financial support from her in the pursuit of the goal the two of you have.  Ask her to start contributing more to the savings for the home and ask her to cut back on the unnecessary spending.  She may try to justify it by saying something like, “Well I really need this pair of black shoes,” but if your fiancee is like some women I know, she has a million black pairs of shoes and while this one may be different, it doesn’t mean she NEEDS it.  Try to make her understand that a deal isn’t a deal if you don’t need it.  I don’t care if it’s 75% off, if it isn’t a NECESSITY, it isn’t a deal.  If that doesn’t work, try asking her to get a second job to keep up her end of the bargain and explain to her that a relationship means equal contribution to the goals you two may have.

Hopefully, she can put aside the needless spending and focus on building something solid for the two of you to share.