Hit the brakes.

Photo showing the pedals of my car for use in ...

Gas on the right people.

Brad wrote:

Sean,

I hope you can help.  I have a guy friend that is a habitual “love at first kiss” guy and he always gets his heart broken.  Twice in the last month, he’s come home from first dates talking about how wonderful the woman is and how she’s “the one” and he always moves WAY too fast and it blows up in his face.  How do I let him know to take things slow and get to know the woman before he puts his foot on the “relationship gas pedal”?

Brad

 

Brad,

I know plenty of guys that are lead footed on the gas pedal of love and it always ends in tragedy.  I once had a friend that called a woman he’d been on a date with 13 times in one week to ask her on a second date.  She’d been busy and by the 6th call thought he was creepy and never called him back.  Any guy that expects to “woo” a girl, sweep her off of her feet with grand gestures, and be ultra romantic 24.7 has a rude awakening when he’s faced with the reality that most women don’t want that…well, they do, but not all of the time.  There just comes a time when 24.7 romance becomes too much.  Just be normal (not hand in the pants, farting on the couch during the football game normal, but you get the idea..) and be yourself.  Women HATE it when a guy is super awesome up front then completely changes 6 months down the road.  If you can’t be yourself from the start, then you shouldn’t be dating anyone.  Smothering someone or calling them 40 times in a week isn’t “being yourself” either..unless you are the “creepy stalker guy” with all of your friends and family too.

Also, looking for love from the first date is a BIG mistake.  It’s simply not realistic to think that because you had a great first date that you’re falling in love.  I’ve been on plenty of first dates that went great, only to have the second be completely awful.  It’s all in the “getting to know someone” phase.  No emotion, just communication.

I’d have a talk with your friend Brad, and tell him to hit the brakes the next time he feels overwhelmed by emotion on a date.  Life isn’t like the movies.  If it were, we’d all have friends like Julia Roberts and Ryan Reynolds to keep us entertained with their adventures in love.  We live in the real world, and we should seek to make meaningful relationship connections…not 2 hour romance movies.  Leave that to Hollywood.

Sean

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