Battle of Wills

Nou wrote:

Sean,

I have a big problem and I am hoping you can help.  Here it goes.  I have a boyfriend that I am comfortable with but don’t love.  My firends and family are pushing me to marry him because they say that he’ll be able to take care of me (he’s got a rich family), but I can’t see myself marrying someone that I don’t love and that I view as more of a friend than a lover.  I don’t want to marry someone simply because he can take care of me financially, I want love.  My parents don’t have love (she married my father for his money), my married friends don’t have love (they have awful trophy marriages and some are for money), and I don’t want to be like them.  I have to stand up to them, but how?

Nou

 

Nou,

This is a tough spot to be in.  I am guessing there are some possible cultural expectations here that may be a tough hurdle to jump with your family, which are tough to experience, but not impossible to do.  The first step is to have a talk with your friends and ask for their support in wanting a relationship based on love and not material wealth.  The second step is to talk with your family (it may be a rough conversation and may become heated) and explain that you do not want to marry someone you don’t love because it isn’t what you want to do with the rest of your life.  I realize that it can be a cultural norm (to have an arranged marriage), and it can be difficult to overcome, but marriage is becoming so watered down due to people not taking things seriously that it’s actually refreshing to see people willing to stand up for the belief that marriage is entered into with the goal of loving someone forever. It isn’t a form of dating, it isn’t a simple status change on Facebook, it’s a promise to love someone for the rest of your life.  You’ve obviously realized that, and I hope you find the love you’re looking for.  If you need anything else, let me know.

Sean

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