Writing vs. Reality in online dating

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You say: I’m an easy, outgoing person.
Reality: I may have sex with you on the first date.

You say: I am looking for someone with a huge heart.
Reality: Enlarged hearts and health problems are a turn on.

You say: I just want to find a good guy.
Reality: Darth Vader, Lex Luthor, and that creepy agent from the Matrix need not apply.

You say: I have my son/daughter 24/7.
Reality: Our movie nights will be lots of animated movies..and matinees..

You say: My dogs are like my kids.
Reality: You won’t like sleeping over unless you like sheets that smell of drool and dog ass.

You say: I am a social butterfly.
Reality: I have a drinking problem I can hide… well, for now.

You say: I am an independent woman.
Reality: I am in no way ready for a relationship.

You say: I love to travel.
Reality: I will be mooching off of you while I plan my next girls trip to Cabo where I will more than likely cheat on you.

You say: I am really shy.
Reality: We’ll need to go someplace that has drink..lots of them.

You say: I take working out seriously.
Reality: I will more than likely blow you off and use the gym as an excuse.

You say: I love country music.
Reality: I like cheap beer and men with bad teeth.

You say: I don’t want any BS.
Reality: I hope you’re not a criminal like the last one.

You say: I am not looking for anything serious.
Reality: I shouldn’t even be dating.

You say: I want someone that is into me for more than just looks.
Reality: I wear lots of shirts that show off my boobs.

You say: Please don’t ask for naked pictures.
Reality: I wear lots of shirts that show off my boobs.

You say: Inappropriate comments will get you blocked.
Reality: I wear lots of shirts that show off my boobs.

You say: Please don’t be offended if I don’t write back.
Reality: I am really picky, and can’t even stand the thought of wasting time emailing someone I think is ugly.

You say: I love good food.
Reality: We will be eating at expensive restaurants.  Bring a credit card.

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