help me settle an argument here. i am a newly married woman in her 30’s and am having trouble convincing my husband that spending three or four nights with my best girl friends is normal. it’s not like we to group things all of the time (some nights i just see one or two of them), but we hang out, shop, etc. he says that is not what a normal relationship should be because he feels that a normal couple should naturally see each other more often than they see their friends. i’ve been friends with these women my whole life and they’re my lifeline to the rest of the world. i think he’s just mad because they’re mostly single. what do you think?
I think YOU’RE the crazy one here. Your husband is totally right in his expectations. I can see how important it can be to see your friends maybe once a week or once every other week, but you should see your spouse/partner more often than your friends. Now, there will be a few exceptions here and there, but on a regular basis, a married person should expect to see their spouse more often than their friends because, as with any serious relationship, there comes a long list of responsibilities. The first (and biggest responsibility) is making the relationship grow. You’ll need time together and some life experiences to make that happen. The second is household responsibilities. Laundry, dishes, repairs, and things of that nature don’t do themselves. The third is maintenance of the relationship. Communication, togetherness, and things like that.
If you’re spending more time with your friends than your husband/wife (or even boyfriend/girlfriend), you’re not helping the marriage any. A relationship is called a relationship for a reason. You are relating to one another on many different levels at many different times. As I said above, there WILL be a few exceptions (work, extracurricular sports, a birthday party, bachelor/bachelorette party, etc.,) but most of our time SHOULD be spent with your partner. If it’s not, you should be evaluating whether or not you should even be in a relationship. What’s more important, a relationship or a friendship? You CAN have both, but I think you’d be a fool to pick your friends over your husband.