More Life in MN

More police blotter stories with my comments below each one:

Police received a report that a 22-year-old man was missing. A search involving a helicopter and a canine unit ensued. The man was located in a home on Red Oak Lane. He had entered the house thinking it was his friend’s home and had fallen asleep on the couch, police said. -Cocaine..it’s a hell of a drug..

The door was found open at Hot Sams Antiques, 22820 Pillsbury Av. Nothing was reported missing. -With a name like “Hot Sam’s Antiques”, are you surprised nothing was stolen?

A Prior Lake woman reported the possible theft of her computer modem in the 3400 block of SW. Willow Beach Trail. The computer was found to just be running slowly. -Seriously?  Tip: reduce the size of your porn collection.

A customer at Subway, 166 N. Concord Exchange, became upset that the restaurant was out of apples and kicked the front door while leaving, breaking the door. -Psst..here’s a secret:  Grocery stores and many gas station have apples too.  Don’t tell anyone though, don’t want Subway to be out of business once the word gets out.

All four hubcaps were stolen off a vehicle parked in the 500 block of 9th Avenue S. -Hubcaps..because sometimes one just isn’t enough.

A thief broke into an empty home on the 600 block of Levander Way. Items stolen included a Dewalt impact screwdriver, Dewalt cordless drills, a nail gun and the keys to the car sitting in the garage. The car was still parked in the garage undamaged when police arrived. -Signs you’re “doing it wrong”:  You left the car you had the keys to steal.

A woman in the 4000 block of Geneva Avenue reported receiving vague threats from someone on Facebook. She was advised to block that person from her Facebook page.-You called the police for THIS?  Why not just message them on Facebook?

The theft of items valued at less than $500 was reported at the Dollar Tree, W. 7350 153rd St. -Well duh, it’s the Dollar Tree..you’d have to steal quite a bit of stuff to get over $500.

A 26-year-old St. Paul man was arrested for possessing a forged Sam’s Club card in West St. Paul. -Are savings that important to you?  You must have REALLY needed that 100pk of toilet paper for $10.

 


Aaaahh Minnesota, I love your never ending source of entertainment.

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Oldies but goodies

Jake wrote:

Sean,

I met a great woman, but she’s got one flaw.  She and all of her friends dress like it’s 1945.  It’s not a costume thing, it’s a way of life.  I really like her, but I think it’s really weird to live your life like it’s a different era.  Should I keep pursuing a relationship here?

Jake

 

Jake,

I know plenty of people who live their lives dressing in classic clothing.  Some prefer the 60’s hippie style, some prefer the victorian (though it’s usually “goth victorian”) clothing, and I know many people that dress in clothing styles from the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.  In fact, there are designers out there that have made a rather nice living for themselves in this niche business.  Look at skinny jeans..it’s basically an 80’s throwback.

First, let’s look at 1945.  World War II had ended for the U.S. in September of that year, the richest people in America are being taxed at the second highest rate in history, the Detroit Tigers won the world series in October of that year, the idea for the microwave oven is realized, penicillin is developed, and Eric Clapton, Mickey Dolenz and Tom Selleck are born.  It wasn’t a bad year for the U.S.

Now, back to modern day.  I don’t know what prompts people to dress or live life like it’s a decade gone by, but whatever it is, is their right to do so.  Some may think it’s weird, but some find it fascinating.  If this is something you feel is “too much” to handle, then you may want to back away.  But if she’s okay with you dressing the way you do, and the only flaw you find in her is the way she dresses, then I’d advise you to take stock of the rest of your relationship and decide if a different dress code is something you can live with.

Just be happy she isn’t dressing like 1981…

Holy Lord was that some ugly clothing.

Present day

screenshot of James Cagney and Joan Blondell f...
So..can I add you as a friend on Facebook?

Cagney wrote:

Sean,

Why are relationships so hard today?  It seems like so many of my friends (and me too) work so hard to make them work and for some reason, they always fail.  Is the world we’re living in today just gearing up toward a “MR/Mrs Right-now” mentality and avoiding long term commitment?

Cagney

 

Cagney,

Good question, and you may be on to something..to an extent.  Today, more than ever, we have an increasing number of choices in finding our life partners.  Whether it’s online dating, being connected by friends, social networking like Facebook, or the tried and true method of finding people at a bar, we’ve got access to people in a variety of places.

As a result of the ever expanding network of people we have access to (thanks to Facebook), we have developed a short term view on the connections we make.  Just as it is easy to “unfriend” someone online, it’s easy to write someone out of your life in reality as well.  Our access to people has also given us a possibility of entering into more “dead end” relationships.  We find people who may fit our needs for the short term, but don’t think about long term when we meet them.  Soon after, we find ourselves in a relationship that won’t be productive in the long run…then we realize it..then we move on..or (ugh) become friends with benefits.  Our parents typically thought in a much more existential manner about relationships.  Things like upbringing, education, career, and personal goals and future desires were talked about much earlier than they are discussed in today’s relationships and people typically didn’t just “tell you what you wanted to hear” either because reputation was on the line since social circles were much smaller.

With the increased social circles of today, also comes increased social pressures.  Men and women are often subconsciously pressured into entering into relationships and having sexual intimacy earlier than ever, and as a result, we’re not thinking about the repercussions of getting into a relationship for which we are unprepared.  Many people move from person to person, falling “in love” over and over again without giving themselves time to be introspective and analyze what it is that is causing their relationships to fail.  I know men and women alike that for the past decade have moved from person to person (or worse yet..overlapped people) with the initial hope that they were falling in love with the new person, but in reality it was just excitement that they’d found something different.  Without some time off from dating in between relationships, every new relationship will fail..guaranteed.

We DO have a responsibility to change things before our society gets too “removed from the root”.  We can take things back to what they should be by making sure we know ourselves and love ourselves before we get to know and love someone else.  We can think long term and not enter into relationships with people that have the “Mr/Mrs Right Now” mentality or people that aren’t looking for relationships.  We can say “no” to being a “friend with benefits”.  We can analyze our needs and speak honestly about them, but also ask the same in return from the people we get to know.  Finally, we can take time to ourselves and be free from dating and relationships before entering into something new.  It’s our future we’re wasting here, and things won’t get better until we change them.

Sean

Zirconia is a girl’s best friend

10mm multi colour Cubic Zirconia gemstones
Image via Wikipedia

I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to drop off Olivia for school, and there was a caller who had called in to see if she was “in the right” on a particular situation.  The caller stated she’d been proposed to by her boyfriend and she accepted.  Later during dinner, he told her it was a cubic zirconia stone and he’d have it replaced as soon as he could save for a real diamond.  She then turned down the engagement because she “couldn’t take a fake ring to her mom”.  She says they are still dating, but she won’t get engaged until she gets a “real ring”.

Needless to say, this touched off a long debate with other listeners and it made me think a bit.  Personally, the engagement or wedding I want isn’t about show..it’s about a commitment.  Whether it’s in a church with a pastor or in a park with a justice of the peace, it’s still the same to me.  I want to look back and remember that the special day was about friends and family knowing I committed myself to a woman (and she committed herself to me) because of the love we share.  When I look back in my elder years, I won’t remember what food was served, what the decorations looked like, how much it cost, or how fancy the table settings were..I’ll just remember the woman I married, standing in front of me as I made my vows.

To think that material things like the stone in a ring or the designer name on a dress, or the elegance of the decoration at the church could have any impact on someone loving me for the rest of my life is a frustrating thing.  I would hate to think that the reason I was marrying someone was because she “approved” of the ring and wedding expense.  I don’t care how much her parents (or mine, for that matter) paid to help offset things, it would still seem superficial to me.  Now, I know there are women out there that want the wedding they’ve dreamed of since childhood, but to them I’d ask, is your dream wedding about show or about substance?  If it’s about show, I’d ask that when your second wedding comes around, you think about substance, because that’s where you’ll find long term happiness.  The whole “loving someone through sickness and health until death do you part-thing” is a serious matter and isn’t void if married life isn’t as glamorous as you’d like it to be.  You’ll most likely face financial troubles, health issues, changing poopy baby diapers with little to no sleep, house repairs, small quarrels about stupid things, and you’ll realize that you’re different than when you were younger…this is all before you hit 40.

Marriage isn’t about money, glamour, or social status.  It’s just as much about love, commitment, honesty and understanding as it is about personal growth, love and teamwork.  If you don’t understand and accept this now, you’ll never be happy in marriage, no matter how much you spend on it.

Game, or lack thereof.

World of Warcraft Pirate NPC
This guy needs much more than armor.

Anonymous wrote:

Sean,

I am a 22 year old guy who has been told that I lack “game”.  Now, I am only 22, and don’t even really know what “game” entails, but I’d imagine that it’s a way with women-and if that is what it is, then yes, I lack it.  I a socially awkward guy who can’t even find ways to talk to women.  If they try talking to me, I blush and freeze.  The only time I had a chance to even be intimate with one, I was shaking so badly, it weirded her out.

How do I find my game?

Anonymous

 

Anonymous,

First of all, I hate the phrase “having game”, because it implies that relationships or interactions between two people are a game (I disagree with that).  I think what you lack is confidence..specifically self-confidence.  Confidence, whether we’re talking about an over-abundance or lack of it, can be a make it or break it factor when dealing with attraction.  With an over-abundance of confidence, you’ll end up looking like douchebag.  If you lack confidence, you look like a socially retarded buffoon (or worse yet..a creeper).

Self-confidence isn’t being cocky or proud, it’s just being okay enough to trust yourself for what you have to offer.  My guess is that you have some skill, personality trait, or characteristic about you that you believe in.  It could be sports related, it could be knowledge related, or it could be your “mad Warcraft skills”, but in any case..it’s yours.

Let’s your skill IS your “mad Warcraft skills”:  A rule in any weapon related fight is that you’re always tougher with armor.  When you’re dealing with someone you’re attracted to, imagine yourself “in armor”…you’re tougher, stronger, and just a little bit more badass.  Now, don’t go out WEARING armor to the next night club you hit up (that’d be the creeper thing I talked about earlier), but rather just imagine yourself armored.  The worst thing that can happen when talking to a woman is that she could say she isn’t interested in you.  No harm, no foul, just go on your way.  Just remember, there is nothing wrong with making connections and networking when you’re out on the town.  Nothing is more pathetic than a guy who goes around the bar hitting on every woman in sight.  Just talk, relax, and have fun.  If and when it DOES come to intimacy, violent quivering can be a definite turnoff, so having a drink may be a good option (if you’re of age), and some conversation beforehand can be a calming technique as well.  Just remember, you’re both people.  She isn’t “spectacular” for wanting some sort of intimacy with you, and you’re not “special” for wanting to be intimate with her.  Spectacular comes during the intimacy, and for that, you’ll need to educate yourself.  Personally, I’d recommend reading up on it.  Having some background knowledge can do wonders for your confidence in that area, trust me.

Now, put on your invisible armor, get out there, and make some connections.

Sean

 

Kids and facebook.

Baby programming
"He looks so hot in his diaper..I'll just go ahead and.. *click*.. Like that pic."

Linda wrote:

Hello,

I am just wondering what you’re feeling is about kids using Facebook?  My daughter Bella is 11 and says all of her friends’ parents let them use Facebook and she feels left out because I haven’t let her use it yet.  She has a cell phone and texts, but I won’t buy a data plan for her to use Facebook or let her use it at home on our computer.  It just seems to risky to me with all of the perverts out there.  Thoughts?

Linda

 

Linda,

I think you’re right, Linda.  In today’s world, kids (when I say kids, I mean anyone under 16)  shouldn’t be allowed to use sites like Facebook.  MAYBE at the age of 16, but not before that.  Not only does it expose them to an online world full of risks, but it also diminishes their social skills by teaching them to communicate in an impersonal manner (no direct conversation by phone or face to face).

I’ve posted articles about children and cell phones and I’m sure you know how I’m against that, so to me, Facebook takes that one step further.  Besides texting, sexting, and all of the dramas associated with children having cellphones, Facebook opens up the circle even wider and allows children to be viewed by (and even sometimes contacted by) people that may not view them in a childlike manner.  There are stories galore of adults posing as children and getting kids to send nasty pictures or arranging meetings.  I know there are also some parents out there that say it’s up to the parents to teach their child the right or wrong way to be online, and I agree..but I’d rather wait until they’ve learned more about social skills and their world around them before they are schooled in the seedy underbelly of online communication skills.

The diminished social skills is also the second point.  I posted something about the current generation of teens out in the world, and the fact that our children are next makes me want to ensure my child is a beacon of hope in a sea of bacon fat.  The teens today have such minimal social skill, that it’ll be hard for them to find (and keep) a job even with a degree.  I’d want my children to be smart AND social and able to use those skills to secure a good paying job that they enjoy and will stay with, so the last thing I want them to do is zone out online for three hours after school reading blurbs about people’s after school lives.  My daughter can use my phone for now and chat with her friends, and when she’s old enough she’ll have a phone to use at home that is her own, but as long as I have a say in it, she won’t be on Facebook until she’s in high school.

Sean

A slap in the face with a hand grenade.

custom grenade
Pull pin, count to three, throw grenade.

Julie wrote:

Sean,

I like your blog, but how can you be so optimistic about love when you’ve been hurt before?  I was engaged to be married once, and we were almost to the wedding day when he suddenly breaks things off and tells me he’s in love with someone else.  After him, I eventually fell in love with another guy, and he also decided after a year, that he didn’t love me enough to be in a relationship with me.  He could have sex with me, but he “said he loved me like a sister”.  Creepy, I know.  I don’t know if I’ll ever find love.  So how do you remain so optimistic when it seems like more and more people are alone these days?  Are you actually optimistic or just blind to suffering?

Julie

 

Julie,

Heartbreak can come suddenly and it often lands with the subtlety of a slap in the face with a hand grenade.  In an instant, your world can be totally wrecked and you’re left to pick up the pieces.  Everyone experiences some hurt in their lives, but the thing that keeps me optimistic is that every single person out there is different, and though there may be heartache along the way, my life will be mainly filled with love, self-improvement, and positive memories.  There are people in war torn countries who have had their homes blown up, family members killed, and have no luxuries in life..but they stay happy..why?  After living through something like that, they begin to really value the smaller things in life because they know that no matter what, life goes on.

Life goes on in relationships too, and we have a choice to make after being hurt.  We can either sulk, try to make people feel pity for us, be depressed, and unjustly stereotype all men or all women into a category to use as an outlet for your negativity…or we can stand up, find value in all of the beauty around us, and go on with life.  The next time you smile at someone, it may be someone who eventually falls in love with your smile..then falls in love with you.

Sean