Fantasyland

Barack Obama riding a unicorn on a pedestal

Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination.

Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

So, after a weekend of buying new furniture and assembling Olivia’s stuff for her bedroom, I looked forward to coming back to the routine of the work weekend.  The work week brings the much needed lull I was seeking while dealing with improperly assembled furniture and leaky roof issues of the weekend.  Pics soon.  There is still painting to be done.

Anyway, I was driving to work and listening to KS95’s morning show and the announcers were talking about someone who wrote in asking if he should be upset that his wife openly fantasizes about other men.  Not just notices them…fantasizes about them and tells him about the fantasies.  From what I could tell, the DJ’s all mostly agreed that it was wrong and he had every right to be mad.  Only one said he felt it was okay because no matter who his wife thought about, HE got to reap the benefit (which I totally agree..he only physically gets the benefit).

A female caller even called in to say that guys talk about women’s boobs and asses and make comments to their wives about wanting “some of that” so women should be able to do the same.  To that, I’d say if you have a spouse that openly ogles or makes remarks about someone else, put an end to it.  It’s disrespectful to you and it’s just plain tacky.  Guys: I don’t care if you love Danica Patrick’s ass, there is no need to broadcast that info to your girlfriend.  Put a filter on it or quietly put it in your spank bank, and move on.

My take on the whole thing is that it is perfectly acceptable to notice other people and to find them attractive.  99% of people won’t be dating or married to the person they think is the hottest person on earth and that’s okay, because in reality that “hottie” is an out of reach Hollywood actor, athlete, etc and it’s not anything more than finding that person attractive.  When it comes to fantasizing though, that’s a whole different level.  Webster’s dictionary defines fantasizing as “creating or developing an imaginative idea” or “indulge in reverie”, which to me, says it’s more than just attraction..it’s a full on scenario.  Don’t bring those scenarios out when being intimate with someone else.  I’d hate to think that someone I’m intimate with is thinking of someone else while we’re physical.  God forbid if someone ever shouts out someone else’s name.  That’d be the end of intimacy right there.  Fantasies are okay on a personal basis, but not when you’re being intimate with other people.  Being with your husband while fantasizing of a hot experience with Aaron Rodgers is not acceptable.

So this woman fantasizing regularly about other guys (and talking about it) says to me that she isn’t into her boyfriend any longer.  I don’t care if she says she loves him, she’s got a shrinking attraction to him on any other level but the emotional one, which is a red flag in the relationship.  As much as me may think it could, a relationship will never work without emotional AND physical connections.  The guy writing in needs to explain that his wife’s fantasies are ruining their relationship and determine if there is any way to bring her attraction toward him back to life.  If not, maybe therapy can help.  If therapy isn’t an option, it’ll be a tough road for the long run.

Sean

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