“You know what they say, ‘if you love something let it go, if it comes back, it’s well… broken.”
Grosse Pointe Blank, to me, is one of the greatest movies ever made. Not only does it star John Cusack and Dan Ackroyd in what may be some of their finest roles, but it has snappy dialogue and a unique way of approaching love, abandonment, and other relationship issues. In this movie, we see Martin Blank (portrayed by John Cusack), a professional assassin who takes a paid assignment in his home town (on the weekend of his high school reunion). He heads back and bumps into his high school flame played by Minny Driver. Many awesome songs, some gunplay, and some explosions later, we see a cool ending.
So what happens in the middle? Without spoiling the movie for those that haven’t seen it, Martin figures himself out and realizes what he;s been missing the whole time.
This movie gave me hope for a good relationship at a time that I needed it most because to me, it showed that people..as hard shelled as they may be, are capable of change. We all put up walls in our lives. With Martin, he’d just had an unloving childhood. With Debbie, she’d been abandoned by her boyfriend (Martin). What it all boiled down to was that they were both too stubborn to talk about their feelings and figure out a way to make things work, until things really got hectic. Then, at a time when they were both ultimately vulnerable, they found a common thread and were able to discuss things in a somewhat reasonable manner.
In relationships, I am the giver. I have been the giver for most of my relationships and in the end it has bitten me in the ass, because I am usually left with nothing in the end. Several times, I’ve had a mostly empty apartment and a broken heart (and daughter) to continue on with. I’m done putting up walls and I have been for quite some time, because I’ve realized that we all have our own faults and features and it’s not a matter of strengthening them when in a relationship, it’s a matter of finding out how to tweak those faults and features to compliment the flaws and features of the other person in the relationship.
Personally, if I hear another person say “I’m just too independent”, I may puke. Independence isn’t relying on someone to be there day after day then pushing them away when you want “space”. Independence is feeling comfortable enough with yourself to be alone when you need to be, but also being comfortable with the time and effort needed to make a relationship work. I think people that describe themselves as independent have a fear of what a relationship is. It’s planning, providing, loving, respecting, communicating, and nurturing and they fear their own ability to live up to those standards. Martin Blank said in Grosse Pointe Blank, “I just honestly don’t know what I have in common with those people anymore… or with anyone, really. I mean, they’ll all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they’ll have made themselves a part of something, and they can talk about what they do. And what am I going to say? ‘I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?’ I just think it’ll be depressing.” People that fear relationships are afraid to give up the single life because they don’t know how to adjust to the relationship life. They were so self-convinced of their single status that they can’t seem to hang that hat up and move into a new life. They look back on it and revel in the freedom they once had..and too often they go back to the single life wanting the freedom and all they find is they’re alone. There comes a point when the single people have left and moved on to relationships and all that’s left is you…and an empty room.
The moral of the movie is that people need to change to make things work in a relationship and if we’re too stuck in our comfort zones to change, we will screw up the things we love the most. As scary as it may seem, we MUST step out of our comfort zones to become who we really need to be in a relationship.
Anyway, see the movie. Great stuff.