I am a 24 year old woman who is dating a man who I just found out was secretly hoarding spending money away in case we “broke up”. Meanwhile, I’ve paid for every date we’ve been on for the past three months while he tucked his money away and told me he just had a bunch of bills to take care of.
At first, I thought he was kidding, and asked him if it was for something else (hoping it was him being responsible and saving for a future), but he said I had said some things during a few arguments and it scared him so he was saving for HIS future, not ours. Needless to say, it hurt, we fought, and I don’t know what I should do.
You need to count your blessings you didn’t waste any more money on this loser and move on. It’s amazing how greedy some people can be. There are disagreements in relationships (absence of yelling makes “disagreements different from “fights” in my mind..), and I can’t understand how disagreements can be negative. It’s okay to not see eye to eye.
Fights are a different story. Leave emotion at the door and deal with a disagreement logically and you’ll rarely have a real fight. There shouldn’t be yelling or storming around with a disagreement, and if there is..you’re doing it wrong. I can see where (depending on what you said during your “fights”) he could be scared off, but that a point where you two should have talked about things.
As far as finances: People SHOULD save “together money” and their own money to handle both the wants and needs of the relationship as well as the personal wants and needs but if he’s scared to the point of hoarding his money and making you spend all of yours, he’s heartless enough to do just about anything and it’s time you move on. Let this one go and fix yourself for awhile. If he wants out, he should just say it. Instead, he didn’t, and is making YOU pay for it. Not cool. Take some time off of dating and think about what it is you could have said during those relationships. If you are saying hurtful things, shouting or being emotionally abusive, maybe you need to find out why you feel the need to behave that way before entering your next relationship.