You have to follow through.

Audition

Auditions..

Trent wrote:

Hi

Long time reader, first time writer.  I love your blog man, and I am hoping you can help me out.  I recently lost a girlfriend because she said I “make all of these life plans and never follow through on them”.  She basically said I am just “all talk and no action”…and she’s right.  I finished high school with big plans.  I was going to model and go into acting.  After living in California (where we met) for 6 years and not having any luck (I guess I didn’t really try THAT hard, I thought it would just come along), I quit my day job (serving) and moved with her to her hometown in Colorado.  I then went back to school for a degree in Business.  It didn’t work out.  My grades dropped to levels that made it impossible to get a student loan, so I quit school.  I started serving again and tried a few startup projects along the way.  Nothing really panned out, so I kept serving, while at the same time looking for my big break.

It’s been 10 years since I graduated high school and 8 years since I met my (now) ex.  I have no degree, no idea what I want to do with my life, and now, no girlfriend to share it with.  I would really like to think I’ll make it big someday in the acting world, but my hopes are fading.  I don’t know what to do.  What do you think I should do?

Trent

Trent,

I have a friend that has said, “Some dreams just refuse to die..”.  To that, I say, maybe it’s time to euthanize them.  You tried to “make it big” and it didn’t pan out.  You tried a degree and it didn’t pan out.  How many times are you going to let yourself fail before you buckle down and really see something through?  Forget serving, forget business, just find what you REALLY want to do and do it.

I will bet anything that your girlfriend got tired of you not being true to your word.  If you say you’re going to do something then do it.  It can be as simple as taking out the trash or as demanding as finding your career…if you say you’re going to do something and you are constantly not following through, you become a burden for others. Chances are, she was sick of hearing you complain about how you weren’t “having any luck” (it takes work and not luck, BTW) and she saw you constantly letting yourself down until one day, she couldn’t take in any longer.

See something through.  If you want to be an actor, find an agent, get into shape, and get your ass into a gig.  Audition like hell and go for anything you can.  It may start small, and you may need some work, but get it done and stop making excuses as to why you can’t do something.  If you get some gigs and really improve your abilities, it may turn into something great..and it may not.  At least you can say you were an actor.  I wanted to be a radio DJ in a major market and I worked my ass off to see that it happened.  I did it.  After 6 years, I moved on, but I can at least say that I accomplished my goal.  Don’t you want to be able to say the same thing?

Sean

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Good question!

recipe for roommate discord

Not a good way to communicate to your partner..unless you like sleeping in the bathtub.

Lynn wrote:

Seam,

I read yesterday’s post and loved it, but I have to ask, are you advocating that people live together before marriage?..or were you just saying “if” and “then”?

Lynn

NOTE: To those of you that don’t agree with living with someone before marriage under any circumstances, go ahead and read tomorrow’s post..you get a day off pass today..

Lynn,

I wasn’t advocating that people live together before marriage.  It is perfectly fine with me to do that, but to many, it’s something they’d never dream of doing…and that’s okay..it’s their choice.  I was saying if you live together, or if you are considering it, it should be viewed as a big step…a step toward marriage.  Marriage is a big deal to me, but it’s also real life with no tangible difference between marriage and just dating.  As I said yesterday, marriage doesn’t mean a huge change or benefit from getting married, but it’s a huge commitment and that is what is important.

Living together isn’t casual either.  Too many people today have the “facebook outlook” on life:  If the person you’re dating does something you don’t like or you don’t agree with, you simply “unfriend them” and start “poking” someone else.  I think that is total BS.  Living together is a big deal because it’s a sneak peek into married life.  Sure, it can be mundane and dull at times..full of routines..and it won’t always be chock full of awesomeness either.  Some people think it’ll be this loving, wonderful, always happy thing..instead, it’s walking into a bathroom to brush your teeth before work only to find your partner just got done pooping…or it’s the hassle of figuring our finances and dealing with other people’s messes.  How we deal with all of this is a good indicator of how we’ll be in a marriage.  If we find ourselves (or our partners) unable to work as a team, they will more than likely not be able to work as a married couple.  Can that change?  Absolutely, so don’t rule them out without working on things.

What I said yesterday was that marriage, if you’re living together, isn’t anything more than one step further.  There is no HUGE change, EXCEPT the commitment and the knowledge that you’re now working to spend the rest of your life with someone..and that, to me, is amazing.

P.S.  Lynn, I don’t know anyone named “Seam”.  :-p

Where’s the beef?

egg and milk choices

Milk. It comes in all colors, shapes and flavors...hmm..

“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free..?”

It’s a common saying that is used to mean, “why invest in something when you can get just the benefit instead”.  It’s also used by some people as an argument against marriage.  Why get married when there isn’t anything that’s really different than just dating someone?  It’s not like marriage is some sort of power-up in a video game, you can’t fly or shoot fire from your hands.  It’s not like you will look any different or necessarily feel any different for the rest of your life, so why do it?  You can be with someone, have sex with someone, have children with someone, and live with someone without marriage, so why “take the plunge”?

Adultery is defined in the Bible (book of Matthew) as marrying one woman, divorcing her and marrying another…it is NOT sex before marriage.  Now, some would argue that the Bible says to save sex for marriage (Corinthians), but it in fact does not make any mention of it.  The Bible, translated many times over, has lost the meaning.  The original Corinthians passage states that sex can be immoral (but not forbidden) if one has many partners, but a man should make a woman his wife if he wishes to have sex with her (before or after the sex is left open to interpretation).  A man could also have many wives in that day and age.  In fact, in the Bible, marriage was never the woman’s choice, so divorce was forbidden as a way of keeping a woman with a man for life even if she was unhappy.  The only real statement it makes is that a man could NOT have sex with another man’s wife.  Of course, people may (and have) often confuse translated Bible verses as the truth, when in fact, they are not.  The Catholic church needed money back in the day and when they had monks translating the Bible from other languages, they changed the wording to make sex a sin before marriage, when in reality it is not.

Religion aside, why should we marry?  A UCLA study says that married people live longer..is that a good reason?  A US Navy study says that married people get promoted more often..is that a good reason?  How about the lower suicide rate among married people, safer sex, tax relief, insurance benefits, or legal benefits..are THOSE good reasons?  After all, it’s not like anything FEELS different or LOOKS different..so where is the tangible benefit?

The truth is, there isn’t one.  There is nothing tangibly different between married life and dating life.  There is no rainbows or parades for married people, no secret married people’s club, and no day-to-day difference…except knowing that you’ve promised to love someone for the rest of your life and do whatever it takes to nurture that relationship.

LOL, wut?

Yeah, that’s it.  That’s the glory.  To me, that is a big deal right there.  You are promising the other person (maybe before God or family too) that you will love, respect, and stand beside them until the day you leave the Earth.  That is a really big promise to make, and it’s not one that I take lightly.  I’ve been in love before and it’s a really big deal to me to tell someone that you are promising to love them and ONLY them for the rest of your life.  To me, that IS the rainbow, the secret married people’s club, and the day-to-day difference.  Married people get to share a lifelong relationship with the person they have promised to love forever.  Single people can say “I can do that too”, but they can’t.  It’s just empty promises until you’ve taken the steps and put in the work to make marriage happen.  I could say, “I’m buying a car tomorrow..” but it’s not going to happen unless I put in the work and effort to make that happen and then put my money down for the car, then sign for it.  Marriage is making all of the promises “official”.

People don’t always take those promises seriously, and that is why the divorce rate is is so high..people say “forever” and think “for now”.  I’d urge any of you approaching marriage to see it as “forever”, because it should be.  Not because God wants it, not because your church or parents want it, but because YOU want it that way.  People get sick, they lose jobs, they make mistakes, and they become vulnerable throughout life.  Think about that when you’re promising “forever”.

Matchingplentyofcupids

The Dating Game

Baaa-da-da-da-da...

I received an email from a woman who asked that I not post here exact email or name but instead write a more narrative response to her dilemma. She is somehow trapped in the world of online dating and can’t seem to find someone to settle down with,  yet doesn’t feel comfortable looking outside of the online dating world for her guy.

There weren’t any more specific details (other than her statement of having a timeline in which she wanted to be married and have kids) but she asked for my help,  and I intend to try to help. Here we go…

There are so many women that put the “wrong thing” in their dating profiles. By putting the wrong wording into your profile,  you will either attract the wrong person,  repel the good people,  or do both. In a dating profile,  you should be confident with who you are and what you have to offer,  know what you are looking for (and be specific about it),  and most of all..have a positive outlook on relationships and love. Here are a few common mistakes people write:

1) “No more games”- You may as well write “I am naive and easily fooled.. “.  If someone screwed you over,  nothing good will come from broadcasting that to everyone as a first impression. This statement is also written as “no more bs” or “tired of the lies”.

2) “..looking for a good hearted man.. ” (also written as “looking for honest and caring man.woman”)- This is like saying,  “I would ideally like to find a warm body..”.  It is really basic,  vague,  and it’s something pretty much every female dater wants. Is there someone that would say,  “looking for assholes only”?

3) “One last try”- Adding this to your profile is like saying “I have failed so much I am about to give up on dating…”.  No potential mate wants to hear something like this and the only people you will attract are people looking to use you.

4) “Don’t know why I am doing this..” or “Not sure I am ready for this..”. This tells anyone potentially interested that you are insecure of your decisions,  so why would they risk dating you?

5) “Tell people we met at a______ (place other than online) “.  I’ve said it before,  this one is starting the whole relationship off with a lie. Do you really want that?

6) “Not looking for anything serious.. “.  So you want nothing serious but you (meaning most of the people that say this) are on a dating site and usually saying in their profile that they are looking for a relationship. News flash: relationships ARE serious. If you’re looking for a booty call or one night stand try your exes or the local bar… stay off of online dating sites.

7) “420 Friendly”.  Really?  You’re putting THAT out there?  Lame.  Any 20-30 year old that has this in their profile is most likely going to be an immature, materialistic, and fake little brat full of self-tanner and attitude.

8) “Must love God” (or anything along those lines).  This may come as a surprise, but there are some people in this world that are religious but not as a first priority.  There are also others that choose not to be religious…but they may act like it if they think you’re hot.  Religion is best saved for the more personal conversations.  If you’re “overly-religious”, you may want to consider sticking to a religious themed dating site because the regular ones are going to be somewhat of a shocker for you.

9) “Grown ass woman/man”.  I’d find a better, more intelligent way of stating you’re a mature person who has their priorities in line…because with the “grown ass” statement, you don’t appear to be.

10) “Save me from heartache”.  So you’ve been hurt and your first response was to go online and date again?  Looks like an emotional train wreck waiting to happen.  Take time off from dating and get your life in order.  Someone else licking your wounds will always lead to…infection.

There we go…the most commonly written profile mistakes.  Learn from them and just be yourself.  Write honestly, openly, and be genuine.

Stinking up the phone room

Good Friday Appeal phone room as well as Chann...

Not the real phone room.

EDG78 wrote:

Sean,

I have a job in a phone sales department in a national company so I hope you don’t mind me using an acronym for a name.  Anyway, I love my job except for one thing.  We have a new hire siting right next to me that is grossly overweight (she even has a special chair) and she really stinks.  I don’t know if it’s because she’s so big that cleaning herself after going to the bathroom is impossible, or if she just can’t reach all over in the shower, but it’s awful.

It’s not just me smelling it either.  Just about everyone in the phone room has commented to me that it stinks and we don’t know what we should do.  Should I politely confront her?  Should we write a note?  Should I wait for the boss to deal with it?

EDG78

EDG78

What you should do is bring it up to your HR department.  It’s a touchy subject these days (which sucks..everyone should be stink free) and it’s best to let HR find a good way to handle the issue.  If your other co-workers can smell it too, have them bring it to HR as well.  It’s not a matter of ganging up on the stinky co-worker, it’s just a matter of everyone being on the same page with cleanliness.  If you confront her, you run the risk of her possibly taking offense and the company getting into some legal or PR trouble down the road.  Just make the higher-ups aware of the situation and ask that it be handled with some dignity.

Sean

Ipod Touch

Image representing Apple as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

I just got an email from Apple.  The headline said, “Ipod Touch:The perfect gift for Mother’s Day.”

Who the hell in Apple’s marketing group approved that message?  Is an Ipod REALLY the gift of the century for moms?

My mom just “discovered” texting last year and is still having issues spelling words.  Is giving her a portable “music box” with some colorful app buttons a good idea?  I don’t think so.

Now some may argue that the Ipod can hold all of mom’s favorite songs, but I’d argue that Lawrence Welk and Andy Williams aren’t putting many MP3s out these days and since my mom still has them on tape (and records), chances are she’ll still listen to them that way.

Some may say that the apps on the Ipod may streamline mom’s life.  My mom can’t even keep a written calendar straight.  Pushing a button then “texting” in her calendar message would probably end up like this:  “March 13: Ga teh stoore ot byu likm and chees”.  She’d give up after two times.

Others may try to appeal to the entertainment side of things and show how Ipods can play movies and games.  My mom loves solitaire and Bejeweled.  This is an appealing reason, but she already has the games so she couldn’t justify me spending $200 on a phone thingy to play them on when she can play them at home.

Finally, people may try to show off the Skype ability that the Ipod touch has when in WiFi range.  First, let me say that my mom has no idea what WiFi really is.  She’ll say she knows HiFi, but not WiFi..those will be her words, trust me.  When explained that WiFi is wireless internet, she may understand a little more.  On the positive side, my mom CAN Skype.  I don’t know how someone can NOT know how to set a VCR clock (they still have a VCR under the DVD player) but still know how to Skype, but she does.

Hell..I don’t even know how to Skype.  Maybe it’s me that shouldn’t buy an Ipod touch…

Mother knows best?

All About My Mother

Yeah?..well YOUR mom is a cartoon..

Miss Sally wrote:

Sean,

This isn’t a relationship question or love question, I’ll just warn you now.  It’s a parenting question and I hope you can assist me.  I am a single mother of a 4 year old boy.  His father and I share custody and have gotten along well until recently.  During the last year, my son took a liking to skating and his father has pushed him into hockey, year round.  The boy can’t even enjoy being a kid because he’s dealing with workouts, foot and hand blisters, and stuff like that.  This is the issue.  My son’s father wasn’t ever very good at anything and once he saw our son was a natural skater, he set out to make him a hockey star..but my son doesn’t want it.  When comes back to me, all he does is sleep because he works so hard at his dad’s.  He says things like “I don’t want to go play hockey” when I take him back to his dad’s and it breaks my heart to see him upset.

His father says that our son is just “being a baby” and that he should realize the potential he has, but I say he should be a kid.  Who is right here?  What can I do?

Miss Sally

Miss Sally,

This is a rough one, but I’ll side with you on this issue.  It’s rough because it seems as though the father has good intentions, as misguided as they may seem, and is doing something to connect with your son.  I am thinking he lives with you full time?  I am also sensing that there is an emotional rift between him and his father that was filled with some sort of “drill” type connection…but I could be wrong there.

You are absolutely correct in seeing the importance of letting a kid be a kid.  Too often, parents push their kids to act like a grown up and it is damaging to their long term emotional and mental well-being.  In my opinion, kids shouldn’t be watching grown-up movies, doing grown-up things, or spend hours practicing a sport like an adult would.  Fundamentals are fundamentals, but when it’s 3-4 hours a day and the kid is 4 years old, I think that definitely qualifies as extreme.

What can you do?  If you feel there is a long term health/emotional risk, talk to his father and try to get him to understand why you’re concerned.  If it goes on beyond that point, talk to a social services professional and see what your options are from there.  You have a duty as a mother to look out for the best interests of your son.

Sean

What I learned in Georgia pt 2

Here are a few more nuggets of wisdom:

1.  A car fire won’t shut down the morning commute, but a beer truck fire will close all lanes.

2.  If you turn your shower dial to the position you do at home you will receive a rude awakening..and scalded ass cheeks.

3.  Birds start chirping at 4am here..that’s 3am Central time.  Figure out my frustration…

4.  Ruby Tuesdays food still sucks in Georgia, in case you were wondering.

5.  If the counter attendant at the gas station doesn’t speak English, there is a good chance you won’t be getting gas.

6.  While snow will completely shut down the city, Georgians are exemplary drivers in good weather.

7.  There is a Korean part of Duluth GA that looks more like Maple Grove than your typical Korea Town.

8.  There are more police on the road that stoplights.  They are out to get you.

9.  If you wear a button down shirt, people will think you’re “in the IT industry”.

10.  People will look at you like you’re crazy if you order unsweetened tea.

What I learned in Georgia..

image

I spent a few days in Georgia this week and it was an eye opening experience.  Here are just a few things I learned.

1.  When someone says “HEYYOU” they aren’t trying to get your attention, they are saying hello.

2.  When someone says “hayaldoinday”, just say “Fine..you?”  They’ll just nod and keep on walking.

3.  Don’t ask for sweetener with your tea..its already sweet.

4.  When shopping in a farm store, don’t ask to use the bathroom..trust me, you don’t want to see it.  You’re better off peeing your pants.

5.  Its okay to drive without your shirt on in Georgia..in fact you can even go to the grocery store.

6.  I still have no idea what a boiled peanut is but sign like “Butts County Nuts” are not okay.

7.  That isn’t a rusty POS car in front of you, its a cab.  You don’t want to smell the inside.

8.  Apparently, an empty passenger seat qualifies you to take the carpool lane in Georgia.

9.  Papasitos restaurant will try to make you commit suicide by filling yourself with delicious food.

10.  There is a big chicken in front of a KFC in Marietta that has a moving beak.  I guess its famous.