“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free..?”
It’s a common saying that is used to mean, “why invest in something when you can get just the benefit instead”. It’s also used by some people as an argument against marriage. Why get married when there isn’t anything that’s really different than just dating someone? It’s not like marriage is some sort of power-up in a video game, you can’t fly or shoot fire from your hands. It’s not like you will look any different or necessarily feel any different for the rest of your life, so why do it? You can be with someone, have sex with someone, have children with someone, and live with someone without marriage, so why “take the plunge”?
Adultery is defined in the Bible (book of Matthew) as marrying one woman, divorcing her and marrying another…it is NOT sex before marriage. Now, some would argue that the Bible says to save sex for marriage (Corinthians), but it in fact does not make any mention of it. The Bible, translated many times over, has lost the meaning. The original Corinthians passage states that sex can be immoral (but not forbidden) if one has many partners, but a man should make a woman his wife if he wishes to have sex with her (before or after the sex is left open to interpretation). A man could also have many wives in that day and age. In fact, in the Bible, marriage was never the woman’s choice, so divorce was forbidden as a way of keeping a woman with a man for life even if she was unhappy. The only real statement it makes is that a man could NOT have sex with another man’s wife. Of course, people may (and have) often confuse translated Bible verses as the truth, when in fact, they are not. The Catholic church needed money back in the day and when they had monks translating the Bible from other languages, they changed the wording to make sex a sin before marriage, when in reality it is not.
Religion aside, why should we marry? A UCLA study says that married people live longer..is that a good reason? A US Navy study says that married people get promoted more often..is that a good reason? How about the lower suicide rate among married people, safer sex, tax relief, insurance benefits, or legal benefits..are THOSE good reasons? After all, it’s not like anything FEELS different or LOOKS different..so where is the tangible benefit?
The truth is, there isn’t one. There is nothing tangibly different between married life and dating life. There is no rainbows or parades for married people, no secret married people’s club, and no day-to-day difference…except knowing that you’ve promised to love someone for the rest of your life and do whatever it takes to nurture that relationship.
Yeah, that’s it. That’s the glory. To me, that is a big deal right there. You are promising the other person (maybe before God or family too) that you will love, respect, and stand beside them until the day you leave the Earth. That is a really big promise to make, and it’s not one that I take lightly. I’ve been in love before and it’s a really big deal to me to tell someone that you are promising to love them and ONLY them for the rest of your life. To me, that IS the rainbow, the secret married people’s club, and the day-to-day difference. Married people get to share a lifelong relationship with the person they have promised to love forever. Single people can say “I can do that too”, but they can’t. It’s just empty promises until you’ve taken the steps and put in the work to make marriage happen. I could say, “I’m buying a car tomorrow..” but it’s not going to happen unless I put in the work and effort to make that happen and then put my money down for the car, then sign for it. Marriage is making all of the promises “official”.
People don’t always take those promises seriously, and that is why the divorce rate is is so high..people say “forever” and think “for now”. I’d urge any of you approaching marriage to see it as “forever”, because it should be. Not because God wants it, not because your church or parents want it, but because YOU want it that way. People get sick, they lose jobs, they make mistakes, and they become vulnerable throughout life. Think about that when you’re promising “forever”.