Good question!

recipe for roommate discord
Not a good way to communicate to your partner..unless you like sleeping in the bathtub.

Lynn wrote:

Seam,

I read yesterday’s post and loved it, but I have to ask, are you advocating that people live together before marriage?..or were you just saying “if” and “then”?

Lynn

NOTE: To those of you that don’t agree with living with someone before marriage under any circumstances, go ahead and read tomorrow’s post..you get a day off pass today..

Lynn,

I wasn’t advocating that people live together before marriage.  It is perfectly fine with me to do that, but to many, it’s something they’d never dream of doing…and that’s okay..it’s their choice.  I was saying if you live together, or if you are considering it, it should be viewed as a big step…a step toward marriage.  Marriage is a big deal to me, but it’s also real life with no tangible difference between marriage and just dating.  As I said yesterday, marriage doesn’t mean a huge change or benefit from getting married, but it’s a huge commitment and that is what is important.

Living together isn’t casual either.  Too many people today have the “facebook outlook” on life:  If the person you’re dating does something you don’t like or you don’t agree with, you simply “unfriend them” and start “poking” someone else.  I think that is total BS.  Living together is a big deal because it’s a sneak peek into married life.  Sure, it can be mundane and dull at times..full of routines..and it won’t always be chock full of awesomeness either.  Some people think it’ll be this loving, wonderful, always happy thing..instead, it’s walking into a bathroom to brush your teeth before work only to find your partner just got done pooping…or it’s the hassle of figuring our finances and dealing with other people’s messes.  How we deal with all of this is a good indicator of how we’ll be in a marriage.  If we find ourselves (or our partners) unable to work as a team, they will more than likely not be able to work as a married couple.  Can that change?  Absolutely, so don’t rule them out without working on things.

What I said yesterday was that marriage, if you’re living together, isn’t anything more than one step further.  There is no HUGE change, EXCEPT the commitment and the knowledge that you’re now working to spend the rest of your life with someone..and that, to me, is amazing.

P.S.  Lynn, I don’t know anyone named “Seam”.  :-p

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