Mother knows best?

All About My Mother
Yeah?..well YOUR mom is a cartoon..

Miss Sally wrote:

Sean,

This isn’t a relationship question or love question, I’ll just warn you now.  It’s a parenting question and I hope you can assist me.  I am a single mother of a 4 year old boy.  His father and I share custody and have gotten along well until recently.  During the last year, my son took a liking to skating and his father has pushed him into hockey, year round.  The boy can’t even enjoy being a kid because he’s dealing with workouts, foot and hand blisters, and stuff like that.  This is the issue.  My son’s father wasn’t ever very good at anything and once he saw our son was a natural skater, he set out to make him a hockey star..but my son doesn’t want it.  When comes back to me, all he does is sleep because he works so hard at his dad’s.  He says things like “I don’t want to go play hockey” when I take him back to his dad’s and it breaks my heart to see him upset.

His father says that our son is just “being a baby” and that he should realize the potential he has, but I say he should be a kid.  Who is right here?  What can I do?

Miss Sally

Miss Sally,

This is a rough one, but I’ll side with you on this issue.  It’s rough because it seems as though the father has good intentions, as misguided as they may seem, and is doing something to connect with your son.  I am thinking he lives with you full time?  I am also sensing that there is an emotional rift between him and his father that was filled with some sort of “drill” type connection…but I could be wrong there.

You are absolutely correct in seeing the importance of letting a kid be a kid.  Too often, parents push their kids to act like a grown up and it is damaging to their long term emotional and mental well-being.  In my opinion, kids shouldn’t be watching grown-up movies, doing grown-up things, or spend hours practicing a sport like an adult would.  Fundamentals are fundamentals, but when it’s 3-4 hours a day and the kid is 4 years old, I think that definitely qualifies as extreme.

What can you do?  If you feel there is a long term health/emotional risk, talk to his father and try to get him to understand why you’re concerned.  If it goes on beyond that point, talk to a social services professional and see what your options are from there.  You have a duty as a mother to look out for the best interests of your son.

Sean

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What I learned in Georgia pt 2

Here are a few more nuggets of wisdom:

1.  A car fire won’t shut down the morning commute, but a beer truck fire will close all lanes.

2.  If you turn your shower dial to the position you do at home you will receive a rude awakening..and scalded ass cheeks.

3.  Birds start chirping at 4am here..that’s 3am Central time.  Figure out my frustration…

4.  Ruby Tuesdays food still sucks in Georgia, in case you were wondering.

5.  If the counter attendant at the gas station doesn’t speak English, there is a good chance you won’t be getting gas.

6.  While snow will completely shut down the city, Georgians are exemplary drivers in good weather.

7.  There is a Korean part of Duluth GA that looks more like Maple Grove than your typical Korea Town.

8.  There are more police on the road that stoplights.  They are out to get you.

9.  If you wear a button down shirt, people will think you’re “in the IT industry”.

10.  People will look at you like you’re crazy if you order unsweetened tea.

What I learned in Georgia..

image

I spent a few days in Georgia this week and it was an eye opening experience.  Here are just a few things I learned.

1.  When someone says “HEYYOU” they aren’t trying to get your attention, they are saying hello.

2.  When someone says “hayaldoinday”, just say “Fine..you?”  They’ll just nod and keep on walking.

3.  Don’t ask for sweetener with your tea..its already sweet.

4.  When shopping in a farm store, don’t ask to use the bathroom..trust me, you don’t want to see it.  You’re better off peeing your pants.

5.  Its okay to drive without your shirt on in Georgia..in fact you can even go to the grocery store.

6.  I still have no idea what a boiled peanut is but sign like “Butts County Nuts” are not okay.

7.  That isn’t a rusty POS car in front of you, its a cab.  You don’t want to smell the inside.

8.  Apparently, an empty passenger seat qualifies you to take the carpool lane in Georgia.

9.  Papasitos restaurant will try to make you commit suicide by filling yourself with delicious food.

10.  There is a big chicken in front of a KFC in Marietta that has a moving beak.  I guess its famous.

Sausage

Chris wrote:

Sean,

You know how you don’t like hairy arms on women?  I don’t like sausage arms.  Have you heard of this term?  It’s where a woman has a straight, round, fatty arm from shoulder to elbow.  It doesn’t have to be huge, but it is all the same shape…like a sausage.  It’s the weirdest looking thing in my opinion and I can’t see how women would let themselves get like that.  It’s pretty easy to fix with diet and exercise, but there are perfectly good looking women out there (I’ve looked..believe me) that have sausage arms because they refuse to workout their full body in the gym.  They just do cardio.  It’s just gross.  Look around now that the weather’s nice and you’ll see what I mean.

Chris

No, ARMS! I said ARMS! Forget it, I don't even..

Chris,

I have heard of sausage arms and (I don’t know where you live) they are all over in the MW.  Some women have huge sausage arms, others have small sausage arms and some have none at all.  It sounds like a damn Dr Seuss book.  Anyway, if it’s a turn off, don’t date those women.  And women, I’m not siding with Chris here, but working out your arms isn’t going to make them huge muscular like Angela Basset once had.  If done properly, a workout routine should focus on the entire body..that means, arms, back, chest, legs, abs, shoulders, and cardio.  Do the full body workout or some circuit training and you’ll be trim all over and not just trim with “sausagey” arms.

Sean

Old fashioned

MNM81 wrote:

Sean,

I’ve been doing the online dating thing and I’ve discovered that many of the women I am interested in describe themselves as old fashioned.  I am okay with that.  What I am not okay with is when they expect the guy to do all of the pursuing.  I email them and make contact and they don’t email unless they are replaying to an email I’ve written.  Sometimes it takes days and weeks to get a response and they don’t go out of their way to contact me because (many have said) old-fashioned woman don’t chase..they want to be courted and pursued by the guy.  Is this right?

MNM81

 

MNM81,

Any way you look at it, it’s not right.  If old-fashioned women want things to be old-fashioned, then they better quit their job, start wearing clothing that covers 7/8 of their bodies, give up voting rights, and learn to be treated like an object rather than as a human being.  Women and men are equals in the dating world and women have just as much responsibility to pursue as they have to be pursued.  It really upsets me when women don’t make any effort in the dating world and just expect guys to come to them.  Dating and relationships should be an equal platform of communication, trust, and effort..both giving 100%.

Now, if “old-fashioned” is meant to describe morals and values, that’s another thing.  If a woman wants to date awhile or to get to know someone before becoming physical, there’s nothing wrong with that, just as there’s nothing wrong with a guy following the same principles.

My advice to you is to leave these women alone.  Maybe after months of no contact, they’ll wake up and see their mistake.

Sean

 

Cars

Usher Raymond during a product launching.
"I drive like this..."

Traffic.  It’s all around us these days, controlling our drive times, influencing where we work or live, and contributing to our daily stresses.  Here in Minnesota, there was a big project to widen the Hwy 62 area by 35w and change the flow of traffic which usually bottlenecked at that spot.  Instead of widening it, the highway department managed to double the shoulder space on each side, trim it down to just one lane, and add a TON of concrete that is unused.  The result?  An awful morning and afternoon commute for anyone taking Hwy 62 east or west by 35w.

What the hell were they thinking?  I have no idea.  To me, road construction, especially the widening of a highway (that pissed off thousands of residents nearby) should be automatically planned to be used at full capacity.  That means trimming shoulder space and making as many lanes as humanly possible to keep traffic moving quickly.  Our highway department has a duty to ensure a smooth, quick, and safe drive to work for all of us.  If they can’t do that, we may as well all live right next to the place we work because the current situation sucks.  We pay for these projects with our taxes and it’s amazing that we don’t have more creative control over what gets accomplished.  I am sure that if the city would have put the designs to a vote, we’d have a better result than we have now.

Anyway, I am done ranting.  Here are a few tips to remember when driving in rush hour.

1.  Traffic is almost like a living organism.  It grows, it contracts, and one single holdup can affect everyone else for hours.  Remember that as you drive.  Keep moving!

2.  Don’t slow down to look at accidents.  Change lanes to avoid cops on the shoulder, but do NOT slow down to check things out.

3.  Merge lanes should be filled to capacity.  Don’t move out of that lane until it ends..and when it DOES end, merge like a zipper into the next closest lane.  Those of you that move over way before the merge lane ends are causing issues for the rest of us and those of you that don’t know how a zipper merge works need to go back to traffic school.

4.  I don’t care how important your call is..PAY ATTENTION.

5.  If it’s icy, your 4wd truck isn’t going to get any better traction than my car so stop driving like a psycho.

6.  Just because I drive the speed limit and you’re in a hurry doesn’t mean you can ride my ass.  Go around..or better yet, leave earlier next time, dumbass.

7.  Your stereo booming doesn’t make you any cooler.  In fact it’s making you deaf.  Nobody wants to hear that damn Usher song anyway.

8.  Weaving back and forth from lane to lane like it is the Indy 500 isn’t going to get you to work faster..unless you work in the morgue.

9.  Tinted windows suck.  You not only look like a douche, but you’re also making yourself a target for cops.

10.  Just because you drive a bus doesn’t mean you can cut people off and drive wherever you please.  You need to be aware of other drivers just as we are aware of you.

Sean

Blame Game

[108/365] Ill-advised
That is the strongest LEGO guy I've ever seen..

Ashley wrote:

Sean,

I am a 33 year old single mother of a wonderful three year old little boy.  I have a degree, a steady career, and a home.  What I don’t have is a partner to share this with me.  I sent you a pic, I’ve gained weight in the last 4 years (70lbs) and can’t find someone to love me for who I am.  Let me rephrase that:  I can’t find anyone I am attracted to that will love me for who I am.  It seems that people start dating me and then want me to come work out with them or things like that.  I tell them I am often too tired to get a gym membership and can’t spend the $100 a month to have one.  They usually ask a few times, then give up and things go south from there.  It’s really disappointing.  I’ve tried having friends hook me up, online dating, and just about everything else.  How can I find a hot guy that will love me for me?

Ashley

 

Ashley,

So you want someone to love you for who you are, but the person you choose has to be hot?  Sounds like a double standard. You are a bigger woman, and sometimes, in today’s society, bigger women are overlooked for women that are in shape.  The guys that wanted you to work out with them are simply trying to incorporate you into a healthy lifestyle they are living.  If you don’t want to be a part of the things the enjoy doing, I can see where they’d give up and move on to someone that shares more interest with them.

Here’s another thing you may want to consider Ashley, gym memberships aren’t $100..they’re $20-60, and many have free or cheap child care areas too.  Being too tired for the gym is a lame excuse because going to the gym regularly gives you more energy, can improve self-esteem, and raises endorphin levels.  My guess is you’re avoiding the gym because you’re self-conscious about your body..which, if that’s the case, just get some weights for your home and start walking/jogging in your neighborhood.  Then, when your body is in a little better shape, hit a local gym for some real results.

This next statement may seem mean, but I think it illustrates my point so I apologize if it seems hurtful.  It’s not meant to be, it’s just honest:

Life isn’t like the movies.  The C-grade girl/guy doesn’t get the A-grade guy/girl very often, so you’ll need to put in some work if you want your pick of men.

If becoming healthier isn’t an option, I highly doubt you’ll magically improve your chances.  You may be a nice person, but let’s face it..looks matter just as much as personality when it comes to first impressions.  Without attraction, a relationship is just a friendship.  Hopefully, you understand what I mean and you can start moving forward with a healthier vision for yourself.  I am sure your son will appreciate it if you live longer as well.